Song of Solomon: Let’s Talk About Sex ... Because The Bible Does
This study explores the biblical themes of love, marriage, sex, and singleness as outlined in Song of Solomon, 1 Corinthians, Romans, and other key passages. From the poetic beauty of covenant love to the sobering clarity about sexual sin, these questions guide participants through Scripture’s view on intimacy, purity, and God’s design for relationships. It challenges believers to align their lives with God’s standards, honor the covenant of marriage, pursue holiness in singleness, and ultimately prepare as the Bride of Christ.
Video can’t be displayed
Reader's Version
Song of Solomon: Let’s Talk About Sex … Because The Bible Does
Sermon by Gene Simco
Reader’s Version
I heard a story about a husband and wife who were at a party, chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that,” the husband said confidently. “My wife and I have a great relationship. She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.” He smiled and added, “She communicates well—and I act like I’m listening.”
In our last chapter, we looked at the book of Ecclesiastes, a philosophical wrestling match with life’s meaning—or lack thereof—without God. Today, we’re moving to another book attributed to Solomon: The Song of Solomon, or as some call it, Song of Songs.
We’ll talk more about pseudepigraphical works next week, but for now, here’s what’s different: unlike Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon opens by naming Solomon in the first verse. Because of that, and because tradition affirms it, we’re going to roll with Solomon as the author. Still, we should note: like the Hebrew version of Esther, this book doesn’t mention God at all.
Let’s be honest—if you read this book without any context, it can feel completely out of place. No mention of God. No moral lessons. No references to Israel’s history. And a lot of... passionate poetry. Honestly, it reads more like a wedding night than a worship night.
But what if the most romantic book in the Bible is actually one of the most revealing about God's heart?
In the grand sweep of Scripture—from Genesis to Revelation—this is not a detour. It’s a destination. And that destination? Intimacy.
God doesn’t just want obedience—He wants your heart.
You know, when most people hear the name Solomon, two things usually come to mind: wisdom and women. This is the same man who wrote Ecclesiastes—the ultimate “life is meaningless” manifesto—and also penned the most romantic, passionate poetry in the Bible. If that feels like a contradiction, you’re not alone. One moment, he’s groaning that everything is vanity. The next, he’s describing marital love as the greatest treasure on earth.
So, did Solomon actually write Song of Songs?
That’s been debated for centuries. Some scholars believe he authored it directly. Others argue it was written in his honor or inspired by his legendary reputation as Israel’s lover-poet king. After all, 1 Kings 4:32 tells us Solomon wrote 1,005 songs—and this one is literally titled “Song of Songs”, meaning “the greatest of songs”, a Hebrew superlative much like “Holy of Holies” or “King of Kings.” It was likely considered his masterpiece, whether or not he wrote every line.
But regardless of who held the pen, the point is this: it’s in the Bible for a reason. It reveals something God wants us to see.
While Ecclesiastes wrestles with the futility of life apart from God, Song of Songs celebrates something worth holding onto: love that is exclusive, committed, and life-giving.
It’s a reminder that intimacy, when it’s rooted in covenant rather than convenience, isn’t just permitted by God—it’s designed by Him.
And it’s also a mirror, reflecting the longing of our souls for something deeper than the shallow hookups and temporary thrills our culture keeps offering. If Ecclesiastes asks, “What’s the point of all this?”, then Song of Songs answers, “This is the point—to love and be loved without shame.”
Let’s hop right in and look at some of our chapter movements, and I’ll briefly overview the book for you.
Chapters 1–2: Courtship Begins Like the opening verse of a love song—maybe something between Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, but more sanctified—the woman sings first. She’s bold enough to confess her longing:
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is more delightful than wine" (1:2).
Now, this band has backup singers—the Women of Jerusalem, who chime in: "How right they are to adore you!" (1:4).
Then the man joins the duet. His compliments? Let’s just say ancient Israel had a different kind of flirt game:
"You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh's stallions" (1:9). That’s high praise... for the only woman in a herd of men.
The key here is tender vulnerability. It’s a duet of delight. He says: "How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves" (1:15). She responds: "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed; fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant-smelling firs are the rafters" (1:16–17).
Chapters 3–4: The Wedding and the Pursuit This is where the romance movie montage kicks in. She dreams of searching the city streets at night—barefoot, desperate to find him. When she does, she holds him tight and won’t let go (3:4).
Then comes the wedding, and Solomon unleashes the ultimate ancient pickup lines:
"Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead... Your teeth are as white as sheep, freshly washed" (4:1–2). "Your neck is as beautiful as the Tower of David" (4:4). "Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies" (4:5).
Try that in a modern Valentine’s card—you might end up sleeping on the couch. But in context? It’s poetry. And it works.
The woman responds with passion: "Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits" (4:16). This is the wedding night—bold, intimate, sacred.
Chapters 5–6: Misunderstanding and Reconciliation Like every love story, tension builds. He comes knocking, and she hesitates. Maybe she’s not in the mood. By the time she gets up, he’s gone.
Panic. She runs out into the night, vulnerable and desperate. Even the city watchmen mistreat her (5:7). Still, she can’t stop singing his praises: "My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!" (5:10).
The backup singers—the Women of Jerusalem—offer support. Eventually, the lovers reunite. And wouldn’t you know it? He starts with the goats again:
"Turn your eyes from me—they overpower me! Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are as white as sheep, freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin" (6:5–6).
Chapter 7: Praise and Passion Here comes the encore, and let’s be real—this section will make you blush.
"Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like twin fawns of a gazelle" (7:2–3).
Yikes. Gentlemen, tread carefully—this is not Hallmark material.
But beneath the blush-worthy language is sacred desire. This isn’t sin—it’s celebration. Marriage is the context that transforms desire from danger to delight.
"Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!" (7:6). "I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like grape clusters and the fragrance of your breath like apples" (7:8). "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers" (7:11).
This is poetic fire, and it’s all holy.
Chapter 8: Lasting Love The final chorus is the most powerful.
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave" (8:6).
Love like that can’t be killed. Not by time, not by pain, not even by death.
This is the kind of love every song tries to sing about and every movie tries to fake—but here, it’s the real thing, and it’s God’s design.
A group of male backup singers—let’s call them the brothers—show up at the end, trying to be protective (8:8–9). But the woman speaks for herself:
"But my vineyard is mine to give" (8:12).
The man calls out one last time: "Come away, my love! Be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices!" (8:14).
Song of Songs is both a literal love story and a divine invitation. It’s about intimacy without shame, desire without distortion, and commitment without condition.
Some read it as a pure celebration of marital love. Others see it as an allegory—God’s love for Israel or Christ’s love for His Church.
But either way, one thing rings clear: God is not embarrassed by love. He invented it.
So let's take a look at how—especially the early church—viewed Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) and how it points to Christ.
Song of Songs 2:10–13 says, “My lover said to me, ‘Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!’”
This is an Alpha moment—an Old Testament picture of love, pursuit, and invitation into a joyful and life-giving relationship.
Now look at Revelation 19:7–9: “Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear. For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.’ And he added, ‘These are true words that come from God.’”
There’s the Omega—the fulfillment. Jesus calls His church to be set apart, adorned in righteousness, and prepared for eternal union with Him at the marriage supper of the Lamb. Just as the beloved calls the bride to rise and come away, Jesus calls His bride. This isn’t just poetic—it’s prophetic.
We see another powerful image in Song of Songs 8:6: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame.”
This idea of a sealed, marked love—Alpha again—finds its Omega in Ephesians 1:13–14: “And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people.”
The seal in Song of Solomon represents commitment, belonging, and an unbreakable covenant. Paul tells us that believers are sealed with the Holy Spirit—the guarantee that we belong to Christ. God’s jealous, consuming love for His people is reflected in the bride’s passionate request and fulfilled in the Spirit’s permanent indwelling.
There’s more. In Song of Songs 1:7–8, we hear the bride say: “Tell me, my love, where are you leading your flock today? Where will you rest your sheep at noon? For why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks?” The reply: “If you don’t know, O most beautiful woman, follow the trail of my flock and graze your young goats by the shepherds’ tents.”
Here we meet the Shepherd-King—an Alpha shadow of the Good Shepherd. Now look at John 10:11–14: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep. A hired hand will run when he sees a wolf coming. He will abandon the sheep because they don’t belong to him and he isn’t their shepherd… I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me.”
The bride longs to follow her shepherd and be near his flock. Jesus says, “I am that shepherd.” The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep and knows them intimately. This longing in Song of Songs becomes a foreshadowing of the Church’s yearning for Jesus—our Shepherd and our King.
We see it again in Song of Songs 3:1–4: “One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I sought him, but did not find him. So I said to myself, ‘I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.’ So I searched everywhere but did not find him. The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, ‘Have you seen the one I love?’ Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love. I caught him and held him tightly. Then I brought him to my mother’s house, into my mother’s bed, where I had been conceived.”
This scene foreshadows the desperation and devotion seen in John 20:11–16. Mary stands outside the tomb weeping. She stoops and sees two angels. They ask why she’s crying. She says, “Because they have taken away my Lord.” Then Jesus appears, but she doesn’t recognize Him until He says her name: “Mary.” And then she clings to Him.
Like the bride searching the city, Mary seeks her beloved. And like the bride who clings to him when she finds him, Mary clings to the risen Christ. The longing and desperation in Song of Songs reveals a deep soul-cry for divine love—and the joy when that love is found.
And let’s be clear—this does not imply anything romantic between Jesus and Mary. He was not married. This is about longing for our Savior.
The banquet and banner appear in Song of Songs 2:4: “He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.” The literal translation is: “His banner over me is love.”
We see this banquet fulfilled in Matthew 22:2: “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son.” And in Revelation 19:9: “Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.”
The banner of love becomes the invitation of eternity. This is not just romance—it’s covenant. The Alpha is the banquet hall and banner; the Omega is the eternal feast of Christ and His bride.
We also see the “locked garden and sealed fountain” in Song of Songs 4:12–15: “You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices—henna and nard, nard and saffron, fragrant calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, and every other lovely spice. You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.”
This is poetic, intimate, and mysterious. But it also echoes something greater. In John 4:13–14, Jesus tells the woman at the well: “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
And in John 20, we see the sealed tomb burst open—the source of living water raised from death. The locked garden, sealed fountain, and lush imagery all point to resurrection. What was sealed in death now flows with life.
In Song of Songs 2:8, we read, “Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.”
This image of a lover leaping over mountains is echoed in Isaiah 52:7: “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns.” Paul repeats this in Romans 10:15: “How will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, ‘How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!’”
The mountains aren’t obstacles—they’re just terrain He crosses to reach His beloved. Jesus, the true Bridegroom, leaps over heaven and earth to bring the good news and gather His bride.
Finally, Song of Songs 6:3 says, “I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine.” And again in 8:6, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death.”
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Revelation 19 says the Bride has made herself ready.
Marriage isn’t the destination. It’s the metaphor. It’s the sign pointing to something deeper. The intimacy between husband and wife is a holy echo of Christ’s unwavering desire for His people. The longing, passion, and joy in Song of Songs don’t just paint a picture of human love—they proclaim a deeper reality. Christ desires us with that same unshakable love.
And the book ends with this line: “Come away with me.” That’s the final call. That’s the heart of the Gospel. That’s the voice of the Bridegroom calling to His Bride. The Alpha was desire. The Omega is union.
So let’s talk about marriage.
Marriage is biblically defined as between a man and a woman. From the beginning, that’s the standard. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. That’s not sarcasm—it’s Genesis. This is the original design. And we’ll tie that into the discussion on homosexuality later. But for now, let’s stay focused on what marriage is.
Song of Solomon shows us that marriage is not a business transaction or a cultural convenience—it’s a covenant. It was instituted by God Himself. In ancient Israel, weddings were not private affairs tucked away in country barns or destination beaches. They were public, community-wide events, often lasting a full week. The ceremony was a declaration before God and witnesses that this man and this woman now belonged exclusively to one another.
But even with that clarity, there’s something curious: it might surprise you to learn there are no clear wedding ceremonies or instructions for weddings in the entire Bible.
Cover to cover, the only real example of a celebration is the wedding at Cana in John 2. But even that isn’t the ceremony—it’s the reception. The wine ran out, Jesus turned water into wine, and we get a glimpse into the joy and festivity of a Jewish wedding. But no details are given about vows, structure, or officiation.
Interestingly, the clearest ceremonial wedding in the biblical tradition is found in the Book of Tobit—a book many Christians have rejected. Yet in Tobit 7 and 8, we see a marriage rite involving a blessing, prayer, and even spiritual warfare—praying against demons that might destroy the marriage. It’s full of faith, family, and formality. So it’s ironic that the most detailed wedding liturgy we have is one many have chosen to exclude.
Beyond that, no instructions for wedding ceremonies are found in Scripture. Even early Christian documents like the Didache (sometimes called the “Teaching of the Twelve Apostles”) include instructions for baptism, the Lord’s Supper, fasting, and other church practices—but nothing about how to perform a wedding.
Because of this silence, there have always been differing interpretations about what constitutes a marriage in Christian tradition.
For example, the Catholic Church didn’t require marriages to be officiated by a priest until 1563, during the Council of Trent. That’s late in the game. The Anglican Church followed suit in 1753 with Lord Hardwicke’s Marriage Act. Prior to that, there were no laws requiring clergy to officiate.
As for the Protestants, Martin Luther—a former Catholic priest—viewed marriage as a “worldly matter.” He turned the recording of marriages over to the state, seeing it more as a civil institution with sacred implications. For most of Christian history, the type of formal wedding ceremonies we’re familiar with today didn’t exist—not in church buildings, not in white dresses and tuxedos, not with officiants licensed by the government or the denomination.
So ironically, social marriage, not ceremonial marriage, is actually the most biblically and historically consistent. What we often consider “biblical” marriage ceremonies are actually cultural formalities, not scriptural requirements.
That doesn’t mean ceremonies are bad—not at all. But it means we should be humble enough to separate ritual from relationship.
So many Christians—especially in non-denominational churches—hold varying beliefs on what makes someone truly married. That’s the nature of being non-denominational: we leave behind denominational ritualism and try to get back to Scripture alone. But with that comes the responsibility of being both faithful to God’s Word and gracious to others’ interpretations.
Some focus on the concept of “one flesh” from Genesis 2:24: “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” That’s the foundational text for biblical marriage—leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh. This isn’t a metaphor. It’s both spiritual and physical.
Interestingly enough, when my wife and I first came to the church, we were already married—but not in a church. We were married by an officiant, outside of a traditional Christian setting. Still, the church recognized it. We were legally married, and we were relationally committed. But we desired to be married before God, with a church blessing—so we held a ceremony. That’s why we do ceremonies at our church now. It’s not because we believe it’s the only way, but because it’s a way to affirm that marriage publicly, in the presence of God and witnesses.
But we must also be willing to respect differing views. In a truly non-denominational setting, we should be slow to demand ritual where Scripture is silent, and quick to affirm covenant where Scripture is clear.
My personal preference is a church marriage. But preference is not the same as doctrine. And we’ve got to stop treating rituals as sacred if the relationship they celebrate isn’t sacred first.
Biblical marriage has always included three essential elements:
A public covenant – a commitment made before others.
Biblical Basis:
Malachi 2:14 – “You cry out, ‘Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?’ I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young.” → God Himself is a witness to marriage vows. This affirms that vows—spoken commitments—are recognized in God’s eyes.
Ruth 4:9-11 – Boaz publicly announces his intention to marry Ruth in front of the elders and people at the city gate. → This reflects a public, witnessed covenant in the Old Testament setting.
Proverbs 2:17 – Refers to a woman “who has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God.” → Again, marriage is seen as a covenant, not a contract or custom.
A witness or promise – not necessarily officiated, but confirmed.
Biblical Basis:
Genesis 24:67 – “Then Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” → No ceremony, but a consummation and acceptance marked the marriage.
John 4:18 – Jesus says to the woman at the well: “You’ve had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now.” → He distinguishes between actual husbands (recognized relationships) and non-covenant living situations, implying marriage involves more than physicality—it involves witnessed commitment, likely known to the community.
In ancient Jewish tradition, a ketubah (written marriage contract) was witnessed and signed—but officiation as we know it today was not prescribed by Scripture.
Leaving and cleaving – the relational and physical joining of two people into one.
Biblical Basis:
Genesis 2:24 – “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” → The foundational one-flesh principle. This is quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19 and Paul in Ephesians 5.
Matthew 19:5-6 – “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” → Jesus affirms this as God-ordained union.
1 Corinthians 6:16 – “And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, ‘The two are united into one.’” → Paul reinforces that the physical union has spiritual and covenantal significance. It’s not casual—it’s covenantal in design, whether honored or misused.
Genesis 2:24 gives us the relational aspect. And Hebrews 13:4 adds this: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
The consummation—yes, the physical union—was also part of the covenant. In many biblical accounts, consummation came before a ceremony or celebration. That’s why Scripture doesn’t require a detailed liturgy, but it does emphasize faithfulness, purity, and permanence.
So whether your wedding was in a church, a backyard, or a courthouse, the most important thing is this: Did you enter into a covenant with one another before God?
Because biblical marriage is not about performance. It’s about permanence. It’s not about ritual. It’s about relational faithfulness. And that’s why the Church must both hold marriage in honor—and hold its traditions loosely enough to focus on what matters most: the covenant.
Now, when we look to the Greek, the very word used for married implies a physical union. It is the joining or sealing of that relationship. The biblical concept of marriage was not primarily a ceremonial event—it was a relational and physical covenant. The Greek language reflects this reality.
The word monogamos (μονογαμος) breaks down into two parts:
μόνος (monos) meaning “one”
γάμος (gamos) meaning “marriage” or “wedding”
This word indicates a person who is faithful to one spouse—someone who is “married only once” or who practices monogamy. But it goes deeper. Gamos (γάμος) is not just the word for a wedding. It is directly related to γαμέω (gameō), a verb meaning “to marry”—but with a strong implication of sexual consummation. In fact, in classical and Koine Greek usage, gameō often implies the act of consummating the marriage, not just entering into a ceremonial agreement.
In modern Greek, the word γάμος is still used for “marriage” or “wedding,” but because of its etymological connection to consummation, using it in casual conversation—especially in certain social settings—can be awkward or even inappropriate, depending on the tone. It’s a reminder that the biblical concept of marriage, embedded even in its linguistic roots, centers on covenantal consummation, not cultural ritual.
In short, gamos implies consummation. So, the biblical language itself tells us: consummation is the completion of the actual union. That’s why, throughout the Bible—both in word and in practice—we often see marriage finalized through consummation rather than marked by any elaborate ceremony.
This is why, as a side note, Christian readers today should be very careful about the weight they give to sexual union. According to some cultures, and even some Christian perspectives informed by Scripture, sexual union can constitute a form of marriage. You see this reflected in places like Genesis 24:67, where Isaac brings Rebekah into his mother’s tent, and “she became his wife.” No priest. No ceremony. Just covenant and consummation.
Some Greek Christians, even today, affirm this principle. They would say, “Be careful who you sleep with—because in God’s eyes, that may very well be your spouse.”
The New Testament reinforces this idea using the word monogamos. It appears in places like Hebrews 13:4: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” The idea here isn’t casual dating, cohabitation, or convenience—it’s faithfulness, exclusivity, and permanence.
Marriage isn’t about testing options or finding someone who checks all your boxes. It’s about a lifelong covenant. If your marriage today feels like a contract—or worse, a roommate situation—remember this: it’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. Marriage is not a business deal. It’s not a performance. It’s a covenant before God—a self-giving, sacrificial love that reflects the love of Christ for His Church.
So, on that topic—let's talk about sex.
What is biblically okay within marriage?
Let’s start with this: sex within marriage is God's idea. It is not dirty, shameful, or optional. It’s a sacred gift to be nurtured and enjoyed. In fact, it’s a central part of the covenant. God created it—not just for procreation, but for pleasure, connection, and unity.
Paul doesn’t shy away from this topic either. In 1 Corinthians, he addresses sexual sin bluntly. Chapter 5 deals with a disturbing situation—a man sleeping with his stepmother—and Paul rebukes the church for tolerating it. In chapter 6, he briefly digresses into lawsuits among believers, but then immediately circles back to the topic of sexual immorality. He reminds the church that the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and that sexual sin is uniquely self-destructive.
Then, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul shifts to a constructive teaching on sex within marriage. He addresses questions about divorce, remarriage, and sexual responsibilities between spouses, especially in situations where one spouse becomes a believer and the other does not.
Here’s the key passage:
“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain for a time to give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3–5)
There’s a lot packed into that.
First: Sexual intimacy is mutual. It is not one-sided or male-dominated. Both husband and wife are called to fulfill each other's needs. There’s no hierarchy in desire here. Paul speaks to both spouses equally—this isn’t about domination, it’s about devotion.
Second: It is frequent, not something to be withheld as manipulation. Paul’s warning is clear—when couples deprive each other, they open the door to temptation. Let’s not sugarcoat it: Satan uses marital frustration as a gateway to sin. It’s not politically correct to say this, but it is biblically accurate—withholding sex, especially without mutual agreement, is a dangerous practice in marriage.
Now, let’s be honest. This is especially relevant in modern marriages where sexual withholding is sometimes used as leverage, often by women. But this isn’t a license for abuse or coercion. It’s a call to honor your spouse, not just physically, but spiritually. And yes, that also means the husband needs to be emotionally present, not just physically available.
The text also makes this clear: Sex is holy. It is not a shameful act but a God-ordained one. It is not an awkward obligation but an act of worship when pursued rightly. And let’s be very clear: This is not an excuse for abuse. The mutual giving of one’s body is never an invitation to selfishness or sin. It is always shaped by love, patience, and mutual respect.
Naturally, the next question people ask is, “What is okay to do in the bedroom?”
Biblically speaking, within the guardrails of marriage, the answer is this: If it honors both spouses and does not violate Scripture or conscience, it's allowed. From the clusters of grapes to the bouquet of wheat, the Bible pulls no punches in expressing physical desire. Song of Solomon reads like a celebration of sacred passion.
For centuries, various church traditions have tried to impose restrictions—certain positions, acts, or days considered off-limits—but those are man-made rules, not biblical ones. Scripture doesn't lay out a list of approved or disapproved sexual acts within marriage. That discretion is left to the couple, under the guidance of love, conscience, and mutual consent.
Sexual desire was created by God. Within the covenant of marriage, it is not just acceptable—it is pure. The problem in our culture isn’t that we desire too much; it’s that we settle for too little. We’ve reduced sacred union to fleeting moments, temporary lust, or transactional relationships.
God designed passion not as a guilty pleasure, but as a joyful expression of love. He is not embarrassed by desire when it honors Him. Song of Solomon proves that—it is God Himself who sanctifies our longings when they’re sealed by covenant.
Let me know when you're ready for the next section or want to continue building this chapter.
Let’s now talk about sexual sin.
What is sexual sin?
Sex becomes sin when it leaves the boundary God has set. And let’s just admit it—our culture doesn’t like the word boundaries. But boundaries in Scripture are not about restriction; they’re about protection. God isn’t trying to kill your joy—He’s trying to keep you from destroying yourself.
The Bible is explicit on this. There’s no vagueness when it comes to what constitutes sexual sin.
Let’s break it down:
Adultery
Adultery is any sexual relationship outside of a marriage covenant. In Scripture, this is consistently defined as a covenant between a man and a woman. Not once does the Bible affirm or endorse same-sex marriage. When you study every instance where marriage is discussed—whether it's creation in Genesis, the Law in Exodus and Leviticus, Jesus’ words in the Gospels, or the epistles—you’ll find no contextual support for redefining marriage beyond that male-female union.
Therefore, any sexual intercourse outside of that covenant—one man, one woman, joined in biblical marriage—is, by definition, sexual sin.
Jesus upholds this standard in the Sermon on the Mount, drawing directly from Exodus 20 and expanding it to the heart level. He didn’t lower the bar. He raised it.
Fornication
The term fornication typically refers to sex before marriage. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 6:18, urging believers to “run from sexual sin”—literally flee from πορνεία (porneía), a broad Greek term that includes all forms of sexual immorality.
The root word πόρνος (pornos) is often translated as fornicator or sexually immoral person, and it covers everything from casual sex to prostitution, to any form of sexual activity outside of covenant marriage.
Now, some may try to play word games: “Well, we consummated, so we’re technically married, right?”
Let’s be clear—consummation seals a covenant, not a dating relationship. Once you’ve consummated, biblically speaking, you’re no longer free to continue “trying out” other partners. The idea of re-consummating again and again with different people as if shopping for a spouse is unbiblical and dishonoring to the sacredness of God’s design.
Remember the Greek word μονογαμος (monogamos)—mono meaning one, and gamos meaning marriage. It's not “multiple trial runs”; it’s one flesh, one union, one covenant.
Homosexual Acts
This subject often brings controversy, but the Bible is unambiguous. Homosexual acts are consistently condemned as sin—not because God hates people, but because He loves us too much to let us distort His design.
From Leviticus in the Old Testament, to Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6, and 1 Timothy 1 in the New Testament—there’s continuity. Romans 1 gives the clearest description, detailing both the act and the theological consequences. Paul’s language echoes the Septuagint, the Greek Old Testament, using the same terms found in Leviticus, which condemn both male and female homosexual practices as “against nature.”
Romans 1 describes these practices as part of a larger downward spiral, where humanity exchanges the truth of God for a lie and worships created things rather than the Creator. Paul is writing about his own culture, 2,000 years ago, describing events that happened even before him—and yet his words are as relevant as today's headlines.
This is the timelessness of Scripture. Culture changes; human nature does not. God’s design remains consistent from Genesis to Revelation. In fact, the sexually immoral—along with liars, idolaters, and others—are explicitly excluded from the new heaven and new earth in Revelation 21:8 and 22:15. This isn’t legalism—it’s holiness.
The argument that “times have changed” simply doesn't hold water. If human beings are created in the image of God, and if the image has not changed, then neither has the standard for sexuality.
Lust and Pornography
Jesus brought this issue right to the heart in Matthew 5:28: “Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Let that sink in. Lust is adultery of the heart. So what does that say about pornography?
Pornography is not a victimless crime. It is a sin against yourself—your heart, your mind, and your body, which is supposed to be a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). It is also a sin against others—because in consuming porn, you support an industry built on exploitation, addiction, and often abuse. Even if you think you’re only affecting yourself, you're participating in something that deeply dishonors God's image in others.
Exploitation and Abuse
1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 gives us a crystal-clear command:
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and His ways.”
Notice the tone: sexual activity is to be marked by honor and holiness, not manipulation or objectification. That applies to both spouses in a marriage. We are to treat one another as image-bearers, not objects for our own gratification.
The Core of Sexual Sin
Here’s the bottom line:
Sexual sin is any expression of desire that refuses God's design—monogamy, covenant, mutual honor. When sex is torn away from covenant, it damages everything—our hearts, our relationships, and our witness.
To put it simply: If it’s not in marriage, it’s not blessed. If it’s not one man and one woman in a covenant, it’s outside of God’s plan. And if it’s driven by lust, not love, it will lead you away from God—not toward Him.
So what about singleness?
If we go back to 1 Corinthians 7, we find a perspective that challenges a lot of assumptions—especially those rooted in prosperity-driven theology or cultural pressure.
Paul opens the chapter by addressing specific questions the Corinthian church had written to him about. Here’s what he says:
“Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–2)
Marriage, Paul explains, is a concession—not a command. That’s shocking to some Christians, especially those raised in churches where marriage is seen as the default, the ideal, or even a requirement. But biblically, Paul is clear: singleness isn’t just valid—it’s honorable.
Marriage Is Good—but Not Mandatory
Paul continues:
“I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” (1 Corinthians 7:6–7)
He’s not downplaying marriage. Later, he affirms that if someone does marry, “it’s not a sin.” In fact, he says it explicitly:
“If you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
But Paul doesn’t stop there. He makes the case that singleness offers a unique opportunity to serve God with undivided devotion.
“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided.” (1 Corinthians 7:32–34)
The same principle applies to women:
“In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34)
And then Paul says something many modern churches would do well to remember:
“I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (1 Corinthians 7:35)
A High Calling—Not a Waiting Room
This comes as a shock to many Christians because the modern Church has been overrun with prosperity theology, family-first culture, and a hyper-focus on growth: "Be fruitful and multiply—whether you can afford it or not."
But the New Testament tells a different story. We're not Adam and Eve, called to fill an empty planet. We're not Noah’s sons stepping off the ark to repopulate a post-flood world. We're in a different time—an urgent one, living in light of Christ’s return.
Jesus Himself—the perfect example of humanity—was single. Was He sinning by not taking a wife? Of course not. And the Bible repeatedly calls us to follow His example.
Paul, too, was single. And yet both men lived complete, fulfilled lives of divine purpose and eternal impact.
So if you’re single, you are not incomplete.
You are not “waiting to be valuable.”
You are not “half a person.”
You are not “missing your other half.”
You are already loved, already chosen, already sealed with purpose.
Marriage doesn’t make you whole—Christ does.
And if we take Paul seriously, singleness is not second-class—it’s actually the ideal. Why? Because it frees you to serve the Lord without distraction. Not everyone is called to it, but for those who are, it is a high and holy calling.
At this point, you might ask the question: What if I’ve messed up?
Let’s be honest—every single one of us has. We’ve all fallen short of God’s standards. Whether it’s in our thoughts, our past choices, our relationships, or our sexuality, not one of us walks into this conversation with clean hands. But here’s the good news: the gospel is bigger than your sexual history.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
Your past does not define your future. Your failures do not disqualify you from grace. Jesus didn’t come to shame sinners—He came to save them. He didn’t come for those who pretend to be perfect. He came for those who know they’re not.
So if you need to repent, then repent. If you need help, ask for it. If you feel broken, come to Jesus—because He makes all things new.
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Today is a fresh start.
So where do we go from here?
If you’re married, pursue each other again. Rekindle what may have faded. Reject the “roommate” model of marriage. Remember: your union is meant to be a living parable—a visible, active picture of Christ’s love for the Church. Let your marriage preach the gospel, not just with words but with daily faithfulness.
If you’re single, honor God with your body. Reject the lies that you need sex to be fulfilled, or that you need marriage to be complete. You are not half a person. You are not a placeholder. You are devoted and holy to the Lord—called right now, in your singleness, to glorify God fully.
If you’re struggling, bring your struggle into the light. Confess it to God. Don’t isolate. Connect with someone at your church. Get into community. Become a part of the body, the real body of Christ. Seek accountability. Pursue healing.
We all wrestle with desire—but desire is not the enemy. Misplaced desire is. The problem isn’t that you want too much—it’s that you’ve settled for too little. God’s design is still the best way.
Practical Steps
Cultivate intimacy with Jesus. This isn’t just theology—it’s relationship. If your time with God feels dry, ask yourself: Are you treating it like a task list? Or like time with your Beloved?
Draw near to Him. “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” (James 4:8)
Jesus never said, “Let’s just hang out on the weekends.” Don’t treat Christ like a casual fling. Be devoted to Him in a deep, daily relationship.
Restore godly romance in marriage. Don’t settle for distance. Take the time, the intentionality, and the humility to pursue your spouse. Let your love reflect God’s love.
Walk in the light. Healing comes when we confess and come into the light. No one walks in freedom alone. There’s strength in the body of Christ.
This is where grace meets reality. Jesus isn’t surprised by your story. He’s already written redemption into it. You’re not too far gone. You’re not too broken. And if you belong to Him, there is no condemnation—only invitation.
Song of Solomon reminds us that desire and passion belong in godly marriage. If you're married, pursue your spouse. Speak life to them. Praise them like Solomon did—even if your metaphors need some updating. ("Your neck is like the tower of David" might not be your best bet today.) The point is, your words carry weight. Romance isn’t something to be outgrown—it’s something to be reignited.
But this isn’t just about human relationships. This is a picture of something much bigger.
Song of Solomon prepares the Bride of Christ. In Revelation, we don’t see a bride caught off guard. We see a bride who makes herself ready. This echoes the parables Jesus taught in Matthew 25—about the bridesmaids preparing for the bridegroom’s return. This is a call to readiness, holiness, and anticipation.
We must be ready when the lover knocks. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “I stand at the door and knock.” That’s not just a nice poetic sentiment. It’s a challenge. Will we rise to meet Him—or will we miss Him in our distraction?
If you've been taught that God barely tolerates you—that He’s always disappointed or waiting to catch you failing—Song of Solomon tells a different story. This is the God who inspired Scripture to include a love poem. A God who is not embarrassed by passion, by longing, by intimacy—because He created all of it. He is not ashamed of desire when it’s rightly placed. He is not ashamed of you.
So what does that mean for you?
It means you are not defined by your past mistakes. Whether you’ve broken every boundary or simply wrestled with hidden shame, hear this again: There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
You are not disqualified from His love. Your story is not over. Your failures do not have the final word—grace does.
You are desired.
You are delighted in.
You are pursued.
When Solomon says, “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride” (Song of Solomon 4:9), that’s not just the voice of an earthly king. It’s a glimpse of the greater Bridegroom—Jesus, who crossed heaven and earth to make you His own.
If you’re married, that means God wants to renew your covenant, heal what’s been broken, and rekindle what’s grown cold.
If you’re single, it means you are no less loved, no less complete, no less called. Your worth isn’t waiting at the altar. It was already proven at the cross.
If you’re burdened by regret, it means there is forgiveness for every failure and hope for every heart.
This isn’t cheap love. This isn’t romantic fluff. This is a love as strong as death, a love that was proven through pierced hands and sealed with an empty tomb.
So wherever you are, lift your head.
You are loved—passionately, eternally, and personally.
And when Jesus returns, it will be for His bride—radiant, forgiven, and fully His.
Be ready. Be restored. Be loved. ________________________________________ ©️ Copyright 2025 Gene Simco Most Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scriptures in brackets reflect the original Biblical languages.
Sermon by Gene Simco
Reader’s Version
I heard a story about a husband and wife who were at a party, chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that,” the husband said confidently. “My wife and I have a great relationship. She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.” He smiled and added, “She communicates well—and I act like I’m listening.”
In our last chapter, we looked at the book of Ecclesiastes, a philosophical wrestling match with life’s meaning—or lack thereof—without God. Today, we’re moving to another book attributed to Solomon: The Song of Solomon, or as some call it, Song of Songs.
We’ll talk more about pseudepigraphical works next week, but for now, here’s what’s different: unlike Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon opens by naming Solomon in the first verse. Because of that, and because tradition affirms it, we’re going to roll with Solomon as the author. Still, we should note: like the Hebrew version of Esther, this book doesn’t mention God at all.
Let’s be honest—if you read this book without any context, it can feel completely out of place. No mention of God. No moral lessons. No references to Israel’s history. And a lot of... passionate poetry. Honestly, it reads more like a wedding night than a worship night.
But what if the most romantic book in the Bible is actually one of the most revealing about God's heart?
In the grand sweep of Scripture—from Genesis to Revelation—this is not a detour. It’s a destination. And that destination? Intimacy.
God doesn’t just want obedience—He wants your heart.
You know, when most people hear the name Solomon, two things usually come to mind: wisdom and women. This is the same man who wrote Ecclesiastes—the ultimate “life is meaningless” manifesto—and also penned the most romantic, passionate poetry in the Bible. If that feels like a contradiction, you’re not alone. One moment, he’s groaning that everything is vanity. The next, he’s describing marital love as the greatest treasure on earth.
So, did Solomon actually write Song of Songs?
That’s been debated for centuries. Some scholars believe he authored it directly. Others argue it was written in his honor or inspired by his legendary reputation as Israel’s lover-poet king. After all, 1 Kings 4:32 tells us Solomon wrote 1,005 songs—and this one is literally titled “Song of Songs”, meaning “the greatest of songs”, a Hebrew superlative much like “Holy of Holies” or “King of Kings.” It was likely considered his masterpiece, whether or not he wrote every line.
But regardless of who held the pen, the point is this: it’s in the Bible for a reason. It reveals something God wants us to see.
While Ecclesiastes wrestles with the futility of life apart from God, Song of Songs celebrates something worth holding onto: love that is exclusive, committed, and life-giving.
It’s a reminder that intimacy, when it’s rooted in covenant rather than convenience, isn’t just permitted by God—it’s designed by Him.
And it’s also a mirror, reflecting the longing of our souls for something deeper than the shallow hookups and temporary thrills our culture keeps offering. If Ecclesiastes asks, “What’s the point of all this?”, then Song of Songs answers, “This is the point—to love and be loved without shame.”
Let’s hop right in and look at some of our chapter movements, and I’ll briefly overview the book for you.
Chapters 1–2: Courtship Begins Like the opening verse of a love song—maybe something between Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, but more sanctified—the woman sings first. She’s bold enough to confess her longing:
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is more delightful than wine" (1:2).
Now, this band has backup singers—the Women of Jerusalem, who chime in: "How right they are to adore you!" (1:4).
Then the man joins the duet. His compliments? Let’s just say ancient Israel had a different kind of flirt game:
"You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh's stallions" (1:9). That’s high praise... for the only woman in a herd of men.
The key here is tender vulnerability. It’s a duet of delight. He says: "How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves" (1:15). She responds: "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed; fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant-smelling firs are the rafters" (1:16–17).
Chapters 3–4: The Wedding and the Pursuit This is where the romance movie montage kicks in. She dreams of searching the city streets at night—barefoot, desperate to find him. When she does, she holds him tight and won’t let go (3:4).
Then comes the wedding, and Solomon unleashes the ultimate ancient pickup lines:
"Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead... Your teeth are as white as sheep, freshly washed" (4:1–2). "Your neck is as beautiful as the Tower of David" (4:4). "Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies" (4:5).
Try that in a modern Valentine’s card—you might end up sleeping on the couch. But in context? It’s poetry. And it works.
The woman responds with passion: "Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits" (4:16). This is the wedding night—bold, intimate, sacred.
Chapters 5–6: Misunderstanding and Reconciliation Like every love story, tension builds. He comes knocking, and she hesitates. Maybe she’s not in the mood. By the time she gets up, he’s gone.
Panic. She runs out into the night, vulnerable and desperate. Even the city watchmen mistreat her (5:7). Still, she can’t stop singing his praises: "My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!" (5:10).
The backup singers—the Women of Jerusalem—offer support. Eventually, the lovers reunite. And wouldn’t you know it? He starts with the goats again:
"Turn your eyes from me—they overpower me! Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are as white as sheep, freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin" (6:5–6).
Chapter 7: Praise and Passion Here comes the encore, and let’s be real—this section will make you blush.
"Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like twin fawns of a gazelle" (7:2–3).
Yikes. Gentlemen, tread carefully—this is not Hallmark material.
But beneath the blush-worthy language is sacred desire. This isn’t sin—it’s celebration. Marriage is the context that transforms desire from danger to delight.
"Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!" (7:6). "I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.’ May your breasts be like grape clusters and the fragrance of your breath like apples" (7:8). "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers" (7:11).
This is poetic fire, and it’s all holy.
Chapter 8: Lasting Love The final chorus is the most powerful.
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave" (8:6).
Love like that can’t be killed. Not by time, not by pain, not even by death.
This is the kind of love every song tries to sing about and every movie tries to fake—but here, it’s the real thing, and it’s God’s design.
A group of male backup singers—let’s call them the brothers—show up at the end, trying to be protective (8:8–9). But the woman speaks for herself:
"But my vineyard is mine to give" (8:12).
The man calls out one last time: "Come away, my love! Be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices!" (8:14).
Song of Songs is both a literal love story and a divine invitation. It’s about intimacy without shame, desire without distortion, and commitment without condition.
Some read it as a pure celebration of marital love. Others see it as an allegory—God’s love for Israel or Christ’s love for His Church.
But either way, one thing rings clear: God is not embarrassed by love. He invented it.
So let's take a look at how—especially the early church—viewed Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) and how it points to Christ.
Song of Songs 2:10–13 says, “My lover said to me, ‘Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!’”
This is an Alpha moment—an Old Testament picture of love, pursuit, and invitation into a joyful and life-giving relationship.
Now look at Revelation 19:7–9: “Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear. For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.’ And he added, ‘These are true words that come from God.’”
There’s the Omega—the fulfillment. Jesus calls His church to be set apart, adorned in righteousness, and prepared for eternal union with Him at the marriage supper of the Lamb. Just as the beloved calls the bride to rise and come away, Jesus calls His bride. This isn’t just poetic—it’s prophetic.
We see another powerful image in Song of Songs 8:6: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame.”
This idea of a sealed, marked love—Alpha again—finds its Omega in Ephesians 1:13–14: “And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people.”
The seal in Song of Solomon represents commitment, belonging, and an unbreakable covenant. Paul tells us that believers are sealed with the Holy Spirit—the guarantee that we belong to Christ. God’s jealous, consuming love for His people is reflected in the bride’s passionate request and fulfilled in the Spirit’s permanent indwelling.
There’s more. In Song of Songs 1:7–8, we hear the bride say: “Tell me, my love, where are you leading your flock today? Where will you rest your sheep at noon? For why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks?” The reply: “If you don’t know, O most beautiful woman, follow the trail of my flock and graze your young goats by the shepherds’ tents.”
Here we meet the Shepherd-King—an Alpha shadow of the Good Shepherd. Now look at John 10:11–14: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep. A hired hand will run when he sees a wolf coming. He will abandon the sheep because they don’t belong to him and he isn’t their shepherd… I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me.”
The bride longs to follow her shepherd and be near his flock. Jesus says, “I am that shepherd.” The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep and knows them intimately. This longing in Song of Songs becomes a foreshadowing of the Church’s yearning for Jesus—our Shepherd and our King.
We see it again in Song of Songs 3:1–4: “One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I sought him, but did not find him. So I said to myself, ‘I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.’ So I searched everywhere but did not find him. The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, ‘Have you seen the one I love?’ Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love. I caught him and held him tightly. Then I brought him to my mother’s house, into my mother’s bed, where I had been conceived.”
This scene foreshadows the desperation and devotion seen in John 20:11–16. Mary stands outside the tomb weeping. She stoops and sees two angels. They ask why she’s crying. She says, “Because they have taken away my Lord.” Then Jesus appears, but she doesn’t recognize Him until He says her name: “Mary.” And then she clings to Him.
Like the bride searching the city, Mary seeks her beloved. And like the bride who clings to him when she finds him, Mary clings to the risen Christ. The longing and desperation in Song of Songs reveals a deep soul-cry for divine love—and the joy when that love is found.
And let’s be clear—this does not imply anything romantic between Jesus and Mary. He was not married. This is about longing for our Savior.
The banquet and banner appear in Song of Songs 2:4: “He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.” The literal translation is: “His banner over me is love.”
We see this banquet fulfilled in Matthew 22:2: “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son.” And in Revelation 19:9: “Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.”
The banner of love becomes the invitation of eternity. This is not just romance—it’s covenant. The Alpha is the banquet hall and banner; the Omega is the eternal feast of Christ and His bride.
We also see the “locked garden and sealed fountain” in Song of Songs 4:12–15: “You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices—henna and nard, nard and saffron, fragrant calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, and every other lovely spice. You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.”
This is poetic, intimate, and mysterious. But it also echoes something greater. In John 4:13–14, Jesus tells the woman at the well: “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
And in John 20, we see the sealed tomb burst open—the source of living water raised from death. The locked garden, sealed fountain, and lush imagery all point to resurrection. What was sealed in death now flows with life.
In Song of Songs 2:8, we read, “Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.”
This image of a lover leaping over mountains is echoed in Isaiah 52:7: “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns.” Paul repeats this in Romans 10:15: “How will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, ‘How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!’”
The mountains aren’t obstacles—they’re just terrain He crosses to reach His beloved. Jesus, the true Bridegroom, leaps over heaven and earth to bring the good news and gather His bride.
Finally, Song of Songs 6:3 says, “I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine.” And again in 8:6, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death.”
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Revelation 19 says the Bride has made herself ready.
Marriage isn’t the destination. It’s the metaphor. It’s the sign pointing to something deeper. The intimacy between husband and wife is a holy echo of Christ’s unwavering desire for His people. The longing, passion, and joy in Song of Songs don’t just paint a picture of human love—they proclaim a deeper reality. Christ desires us with that same unshakable love.
And the book ends with this line: “Come away with me.” That’s the final call. That’s the heart of the Gospel. That’s the voice of the Bridegroom calling to His Bride. The Alpha was desire. The Omega is union.
So let’s talk about marriage.
Marriage is biblically defined as between a man and a woman. From the beginning, that’s the standard. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. That’s not sarcasm—it’s Genesis. This is the original design. And we’ll tie that into the discussion on homosexuality later. But for now, let’s stay focused on what marriage is.
Song of Solomon shows us that marriage is not a business transaction or a cultural convenience—it’s a covenant. It was instituted by God Himself. In ancient Israel, weddings were not private affairs tucked away in country barns or destination beaches. They were public, community-wide events, often lasting a full week. The ceremony was a declaration before God and witnesses that this man and this woman now belonged exclusively to one another.
But even with that clarity, there’s something curious: it might surprise you to learn there are no clear wedding ceremonies or instructions for weddings in the entire Bible.
Cover to cover, the only real example of a celebration is the wedding at Cana in John 2. But even that isn’t the ceremony—it’s the reception. The wine ran out, Jesus turned water into wine, and we get a glimpse into the joy and festivity of a Jewish wedding. But no details are given about vows, structure, or officiation.
Interestingly, the clearest ceremonial wedding in the biblical tradition is found in the Book of Tobit—a book many Christians have rejected. Yet in Tobit 7 and 8, we see a marriage rite involving a blessing, prayer, and even spiritual warfare—praying against demons that might destroy the marriage. It’s full of faith, family, and formality. So it’s ironic that the most detailed wedding liturgy we have is one many have chosen to exclude.
Beyond that, no instructions for wedding ceremonies are found in Scripture. Even early Christian documents like the Didache (sometimes called the “Teaching of the Twelve Apostles”) include instructions for baptism, the Lord’s Supper, fasting, and other church practices—but nothing about how to perform a wedding.
Because of this silence, there have always been differing interpretations about what constitutes a marriage in Christian tradition.
For example, the Catholic Church didn’t require marriages to be officiated by a priest until 1563, during the Council of Trent. That’s late in the game. The Anglican Church followed suit in 1753 with Lord Hardwicke’s Marriage Act. Prior to that, there were no laws requiring clergy to officiate.
As for the Protestants, Martin Luther—a former Catholic priest—viewed marriage as a “worldly matter.” He turned the recording of marriages over to the state, seeing it more as a civil institution with sacred implications. For most of Christian history, the type of formal wedding ceremonies we’re familiar with today didn’t exist—not in church buildings, not in white dresses and tuxedos, not with officiants licensed by the government or the denomination.
So ironically, social marriage, not ceremonial marriage, is actually the most biblically and historically consistent. What we often consider “biblical” marriage ceremonies are actually cultural formalities, not scriptural requirements.
That doesn’t mean ceremonies are bad—not at all. But it means we should be humble enough to separate ritual from relationship.
So many Christians—especially in non-denominational churches—hold varying beliefs on what makes someone truly married. That’s the nature of being non-denominational: we leave behind denominational ritualism and try to get back to Scripture alone. But with that comes the responsibility of being both faithful to God’s Word and gracious to others’ interpretations.
Some focus on the concept of “one flesh” from Genesis 2:24: “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” That’s the foundational text for biblical marriage—leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh. This isn’t a metaphor. It’s both spiritual and physical.
Interestingly enough, when my wife and I first came to the church, we were already married—but not in a church. We were married by an officiant, outside of a traditional Christian setting. Still, the church recognized it. We were legally married, and we were relationally committed. But we desired to be married before God, with a church blessing—so we held a ceremony. That’s why we do ceremonies at our church now. It’s not because we believe it’s the only way, but because it’s a way to affirm that marriage publicly, in the presence of God and witnesses.
But we must also be willing to respect differing views. In a truly non-denominational setting, we should be slow to demand ritual where Scripture is silent, and quick to affirm covenant where Scripture is clear.
My personal preference is a church marriage. But preference is not the same as doctrine. And we’ve got to stop treating rituals as sacred if the relationship they celebrate isn’t sacred first.
Biblical marriage has always included three essential elements:
A public covenant – a commitment made before others.
Biblical Basis:
Malachi 2:14 – “You cry out, ‘Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?’ I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young.” → God Himself is a witness to marriage vows. This affirms that vows—spoken commitments—are recognized in God’s eyes.
Ruth 4:9-11 – Boaz publicly announces his intention to marry Ruth in front of the elders and people at the city gate. → This reflects a public, witnessed covenant in the Old Testament setting.
Proverbs 2:17 – Refers to a woman “who has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God.” → Again, marriage is seen as a covenant, not a contract or custom.
A witness or promise – not necessarily officiated, but confirmed.
Biblical Basis:
Genesis 24:67 – “Then Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” → No ceremony, but a consummation and acceptance marked the marriage.
John 4:18 – Jesus says to the woman at the well: “You’ve had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now.” → He distinguishes between actual husbands (recognized relationships) and non-covenant living situations, implying marriage involves more than physicality—it involves witnessed commitment, likely known to the community.
In ancient Jewish tradition, a ketubah (written marriage contract) was witnessed and signed—but officiation as we know it today was not prescribed by Scripture.
Leaving and cleaving – the relational and physical joining of two people into one.
Biblical Basis:
Genesis 2:24 – “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” → The foundational one-flesh principle. This is quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19 and Paul in Ephesians 5.
Matthew 19:5-6 – “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” → Jesus affirms this as God-ordained union.
1 Corinthians 6:16 – “And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, ‘The two are united into one.’” → Paul reinforces that the physical union has spiritual and covenantal significance. It’s not casual—it’s covenantal in design, whether honored or misused.
Genesis 2:24 gives us the relational aspect. And Hebrews 13:4 adds this: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
The consummation—yes, the physical union—was also part of the covenant. In many biblical accounts, consummation came before a ceremony or celebration. That’s why Scripture doesn’t require a detailed liturgy, but it does emphasize faithfulness, purity, and permanence.
So whether your wedding was in a church, a backyard, or a courthouse, the most important thing is this: Did you enter into a covenant with one another before God?
Because biblical marriage is not about performance. It’s about permanence. It’s not about ritual. It’s about relational faithfulness. And that’s why the Church must both hold marriage in honor—and hold its traditions loosely enough to focus on what matters most: the covenant.
Now, when we look to the Greek, the very word used for married implies a physical union. It is the joining or sealing of that relationship. The biblical concept of marriage was not primarily a ceremonial event—it was a relational and physical covenant. The Greek language reflects this reality.
The word monogamos (μονογαμος) breaks down into two parts:
μόνος (monos) meaning “one”
γάμος (gamos) meaning “marriage” or “wedding”
This word indicates a person who is faithful to one spouse—someone who is “married only once” or who practices monogamy. But it goes deeper. Gamos (γάμος) is not just the word for a wedding. It is directly related to γαμέω (gameō), a verb meaning “to marry”—but with a strong implication of sexual consummation. In fact, in classical and Koine Greek usage, gameō often implies the act of consummating the marriage, not just entering into a ceremonial agreement.
In modern Greek, the word γάμος is still used for “marriage” or “wedding,” but because of its etymological connection to consummation, using it in casual conversation—especially in certain social settings—can be awkward or even inappropriate, depending on the tone. It’s a reminder that the biblical concept of marriage, embedded even in its linguistic roots, centers on covenantal consummation, not cultural ritual.
In short, gamos implies consummation. So, the biblical language itself tells us: consummation is the completion of the actual union. That’s why, throughout the Bible—both in word and in practice—we often see marriage finalized through consummation rather than marked by any elaborate ceremony.
This is why, as a side note, Christian readers today should be very careful about the weight they give to sexual union. According to some cultures, and even some Christian perspectives informed by Scripture, sexual union can constitute a form of marriage. You see this reflected in places like Genesis 24:67, where Isaac brings Rebekah into his mother’s tent, and “she became his wife.” No priest. No ceremony. Just covenant and consummation.
Some Greek Christians, even today, affirm this principle. They would say, “Be careful who you sleep with—because in God’s eyes, that may very well be your spouse.”
The New Testament reinforces this idea using the word monogamos. It appears in places like Hebrews 13:4: “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” The idea here isn’t casual dating, cohabitation, or convenience—it’s faithfulness, exclusivity, and permanence.
Marriage isn’t about testing options or finding someone who checks all your boxes. It’s about a lifelong covenant. If your marriage today feels like a contract—or worse, a roommate situation—remember this: it’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. Marriage is not a business deal. It’s not a performance. It’s a covenant before God—a self-giving, sacrificial love that reflects the love of Christ for His Church.
So, on that topic—let's talk about sex.
What is biblically okay within marriage?
Let’s start with this: sex within marriage is God's idea. It is not dirty, shameful, or optional. It’s a sacred gift to be nurtured and enjoyed. In fact, it’s a central part of the covenant. God created it—not just for procreation, but for pleasure, connection, and unity.
Paul doesn’t shy away from this topic either. In 1 Corinthians, he addresses sexual sin bluntly. Chapter 5 deals with a disturbing situation—a man sleeping with his stepmother—and Paul rebukes the church for tolerating it. In chapter 6, he briefly digresses into lawsuits among believers, but then immediately circles back to the topic of sexual immorality. He reminds the church that the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and that sexual sin is uniquely self-destructive.
Then, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul shifts to a constructive teaching on sex within marriage. He addresses questions about divorce, remarriage, and sexual responsibilities between spouses, especially in situations where one spouse becomes a believer and the other does not.
Here’s the key passage:
“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain for a time to give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3–5)
There’s a lot packed into that.
First: Sexual intimacy is mutual. It is not one-sided or male-dominated. Both husband and wife are called to fulfill each other's needs. There’s no hierarchy in desire here. Paul speaks to both spouses equally—this isn’t about domination, it’s about devotion.
Second: It is frequent, not something to be withheld as manipulation. Paul’s warning is clear—when couples deprive each other, they open the door to temptation. Let’s not sugarcoat it: Satan uses marital frustration as a gateway to sin. It’s not politically correct to say this, but it is biblically accurate—withholding sex, especially without mutual agreement, is a dangerous practice in marriage.
Now, let’s be honest. This is especially relevant in modern marriages where sexual withholding is sometimes used as leverage, often by women. But this isn’t a license for abuse or coercion. It’s a call to honor your spouse, not just physically, but spiritually. And yes, that also means the husband needs to be emotionally present, not just physically available.
The text also makes this clear: Sex is holy. It is not a shameful act but a God-ordained one. It is not an awkward obligation but an act of worship when pursued rightly. And let’s be very clear: This is not an excuse for abuse. The mutual giving of one’s body is never an invitation to selfishness or sin. It is always shaped by love, patience, and mutual respect.
Naturally, the next question people ask is, “What is okay to do in the bedroom?”
Biblically speaking, within the guardrails of marriage, the answer is this: If it honors both spouses and does not violate Scripture or conscience, it's allowed. From the clusters of grapes to the bouquet of wheat, the Bible pulls no punches in expressing physical desire. Song of Solomon reads like a celebration of sacred passion.
For centuries, various church traditions have tried to impose restrictions—certain positions, acts, or days considered off-limits—but those are man-made rules, not biblical ones. Scripture doesn't lay out a list of approved or disapproved sexual acts within marriage. That discretion is left to the couple, under the guidance of love, conscience, and mutual consent.
Sexual desire was created by God. Within the covenant of marriage, it is not just acceptable—it is pure. The problem in our culture isn’t that we desire too much; it’s that we settle for too little. We’ve reduced sacred union to fleeting moments, temporary lust, or transactional relationships.
God designed passion not as a guilty pleasure, but as a joyful expression of love. He is not embarrassed by desire when it honors Him. Song of Solomon proves that—it is God Himself who sanctifies our longings when they’re sealed by covenant.
Let me know when you're ready for the next section or want to continue building this chapter.
Let’s now talk about sexual sin.
What is sexual sin?
Sex becomes sin when it leaves the boundary God has set. And let’s just admit it—our culture doesn’t like the word boundaries. But boundaries in Scripture are not about restriction; they’re about protection. God isn’t trying to kill your joy—He’s trying to keep you from destroying yourself.
The Bible is explicit on this. There’s no vagueness when it comes to what constitutes sexual sin.
Let’s break it down:
Adultery
Adultery is any sexual relationship outside of a marriage covenant. In Scripture, this is consistently defined as a covenant between a man and a woman. Not once does the Bible affirm or endorse same-sex marriage. When you study every instance where marriage is discussed—whether it's creation in Genesis, the Law in Exodus and Leviticus, Jesus’ words in the Gospels, or the epistles—you’ll find no contextual support for redefining marriage beyond that male-female union.
Therefore, any sexual intercourse outside of that covenant—one man, one woman, joined in biblical marriage—is, by definition, sexual sin.
Jesus upholds this standard in the Sermon on the Mount, drawing directly from Exodus 20 and expanding it to the heart level. He didn’t lower the bar. He raised it.
Fornication
The term fornication typically refers to sex before marriage. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 6:18, urging believers to “run from sexual sin”—literally flee from πορνεία (porneía), a broad Greek term that includes all forms of sexual immorality.
The root word πόρνος (pornos) is often translated as fornicator or sexually immoral person, and it covers everything from casual sex to prostitution, to any form of sexual activity outside of covenant marriage.
Now, some may try to play word games: “Well, we consummated, so we’re technically married, right?”
Let’s be clear—consummation seals a covenant, not a dating relationship. Once you’ve consummated, biblically speaking, you’re no longer free to continue “trying out” other partners. The idea of re-consummating again and again with different people as if shopping for a spouse is unbiblical and dishonoring to the sacredness of God’s design.
Remember the Greek word μονογαμος (monogamos)—mono meaning one, and gamos meaning marriage. It's not “multiple trial runs”; it’s one flesh, one union, one covenant.
Homosexual Acts
This subject often brings controversy, but the Bible is unambiguous. Homosexual acts are consistently condemned as sin—not because God hates people, but because He loves us too much to let us distort His design.
From Leviticus in the Old Testament, to Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6, and 1 Timothy 1 in the New Testament—there’s continuity. Romans 1 gives the clearest description, detailing both the act and the theological consequences. Paul’s language echoes the Septuagint, the Greek Old Testament, using the same terms found in Leviticus, which condemn both male and female homosexual practices as “against nature.”
Romans 1 describes these practices as part of a larger downward spiral, where humanity exchanges the truth of God for a lie and worships created things rather than the Creator. Paul is writing about his own culture, 2,000 years ago, describing events that happened even before him—and yet his words are as relevant as today's headlines.
This is the timelessness of Scripture. Culture changes; human nature does not. God’s design remains consistent from Genesis to Revelation. In fact, the sexually immoral—along with liars, idolaters, and others—are explicitly excluded from the new heaven and new earth in Revelation 21:8 and 22:15. This isn’t legalism—it’s holiness.
The argument that “times have changed” simply doesn't hold water. If human beings are created in the image of God, and if the image has not changed, then neither has the standard for sexuality.
Lust and Pornography
Jesus brought this issue right to the heart in Matthew 5:28: “Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Let that sink in. Lust is adultery of the heart. So what does that say about pornography?
Pornography is not a victimless crime. It is a sin against yourself—your heart, your mind, and your body, which is supposed to be a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). It is also a sin against others—because in consuming porn, you support an industry built on exploitation, addiction, and often abuse. Even if you think you’re only affecting yourself, you're participating in something that deeply dishonors God's image in others.
Exploitation and Abuse
1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 gives us a crystal-clear command:
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and His ways.”
Notice the tone: sexual activity is to be marked by honor and holiness, not manipulation or objectification. That applies to both spouses in a marriage. We are to treat one another as image-bearers, not objects for our own gratification.
The Core of Sexual Sin
Here’s the bottom line:
Sexual sin is any expression of desire that refuses God's design—monogamy, covenant, mutual honor. When sex is torn away from covenant, it damages everything—our hearts, our relationships, and our witness.
To put it simply: If it’s not in marriage, it’s not blessed. If it’s not one man and one woman in a covenant, it’s outside of God’s plan. And if it’s driven by lust, not love, it will lead you away from God—not toward Him.
So what about singleness?
If we go back to 1 Corinthians 7, we find a perspective that challenges a lot of assumptions—especially those rooted in prosperity-driven theology or cultural pressure.
Paul opens the chapter by addressing specific questions the Corinthian church had written to him about. Here’s what he says:
“Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–2)
Marriage, Paul explains, is a concession—not a command. That’s shocking to some Christians, especially those raised in churches where marriage is seen as the default, the ideal, or even a requirement. But biblically, Paul is clear: singleness isn’t just valid—it’s honorable.
Marriage Is Good—but Not Mandatory
Paul continues:
“I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” (1 Corinthians 7:6–7)
He’s not downplaying marriage. Later, he affirms that if someone does marry, “it’s not a sin.” In fact, he says it explicitly:
“If you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
But Paul doesn’t stop there. He makes the case that singleness offers a unique opportunity to serve God with undivided devotion.
“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided.” (1 Corinthians 7:32–34)
The same principle applies to women:
“In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34)
And then Paul says something many modern churches would do well to remember:
“I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (1 Corinthians 7:35)
A High Calling—Not a Waiting Room
This comes as a shock to many Christians because the modern Church has been overrun with prosperity theology, family-first culture, and a hyper-focus on growth: "Be fruitful and multiply—whether you can afford it or not."
But the New Testament tells a different story. We're not Adam and Eve, called to fill an empty planet. We're not Noah’s sons stepping off the ark to repopulate a post-flood world. We're in a different time—an urgent one, living in light of Christ’s return.
Jesus Himself—the perfect example of humanity—was single. Was He sinning by not taking a wife? Of course not. And the Bible repeatedly calls us to follow His example.
Paul, too, was single. And yet both men lived complete, fulfilled lives of divine purpose and eternal impact.
So if you’re single, you are not incomplete.
You are not “waiting to be valuable.”
You are not “half a person.”
You are not “missing your other half.”
You are already loved, already chosen, already sealed with purpose.
Marriage doesn’t make you whole—Christ does.
And if we take Paul seriously, singleness is not second-class—it’s actually the ideal. Why? Because it frees you to serve the Lord without distraction. Not everyone is called to it, but for those who are, it is a high and holy calling.
At this point, you might ask the question: What if I’ve messed up?
Let’s be honest—every single one of us has. We’ve all fallen short of God’s standards. Whether it’s in our thoughts, our past choices, our relationships, or our sexuality, not one of us walks into this conversation with clean hands. But here’s the good news: the gospel is bigger than your sexual history.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
Your past does not define your future. Your failures do not disqualify you from grace. Jesus didn’t come to shame sinners—He came to save them. He didn’t come for those who pretend to be perfect. He came for those who know they’re not.
So if you need to repent, then repent. If you need help, ask for it. If you feel broken, come to Jesus—because He makes all things new.
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Today is a fresh start.
So where do we go from here?
If you’re married, pursue each other again. Rekindle what may have faded. Reject the “roommate” model of marriage. Remember: your union is meant to be a living parable—a visible, active picture of Christ’s love for the Church. Let your marriage preach the gospel, not just with words but with daily faithfulness.
If you’re single, honor God with your body. Reject the lies that you need sex to be fulfilled, or that you need marriage to be complete. You are not half a person. You are not a placeholder. You are devoted and holy to the Lord—called right now, in your singleness, to glorify God fully.
If you’re struggling, bring your struggle into the light. Confess it to God. Don’t isolate. Connect with someone at your church. Get into community. Become a part of the body, the real body of Christ. Seek accountability. Pursue healing.
We all wrestle with desire—but desire is not the enemy. Misplaced desire is. The problem isn’t that you want too much—it’s that you’ve settled for too little. God’s design is still the best way.
Practical Steps
Cultivate intimacy with Jesus. This isn’t just theology—it’s relationship. If your time with God feels dry, ask yourself: Are you treating it like a task list? Or like time with your Beloved?
Draw near to Him. “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” (James 4:8)
Jesus never said, “Let’s just hang out on the weekends.” Don’t treat Christ like a casual fling. Be devoted to Him in a deep, daily relationship.
Restore godly romance in marriage. Don’t settle for distance. Take the time, the intentionality, and the humility to pursue your spouse. Let your love reflect God’s love.
Walk in the light. Healing comes when we confess and come into the light. No one walks in freedom alone. There’s strength in the body of Christ.
This is where grace meets reality. Jesus isn’t surprised by your story. He’s already written redemption into it. You’re not too far gone. You’re not too broken. And if you belong to Him, there is no condemnation—only invitation.
Song of Solomon reminds us that desire and passion belong in godly marriage. If you're married, pursue your spouse. Speak life to them. Praise them like Solomon did—even if your metaphors need some updating. ("Your neck is like the tower of David" might not be your best bet today.) The point is, your words carry weight. Romance isn’t something to be outgrown—it’s something to be reignited.
But this isn’t just about human relationships. This is a picture of something much bigger.
Song of Solomon prepares the Bride of Christ. In Revelation, we don’t see a bride caught off guard. We see a bride who makes herself ready. This echoes the parables Jesus taught in Matthew 25—about the bridesmaids preparing for the bridegroom’s return. This is a call to readiness, holiness, and anticipation.
We must be ready when the lover knocks. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “I stand at the door and knock.” That’s not just a nice poetic sentiment. It’s a challenge. Will we rise to meet Him—or will we miss Him in our distraction?
If you've been taught that God barely tolerates you—that He’s always disappointed or waiting to catch you failing—Song of Solomon tells a different story. This is the God who inspired Scripture to include a love poem. A God who is not embarrassed by passion, by longing, by intimacy—because He created all of it. He is not ashamed of desire when it’s rightly placed. He is not ashamed of you.
So what does that mean for you?
It means you are not defined by your past mistakes. Whether you’ve broken every boundary or simply wrestled with hidden shame, hear this again: There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
You are not disqualified from His love. Your story is not over. Your failures do not have the final word—grace does.
You are desired.
You are delighted in.
You are pursued.
When Solomon says, “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride” (Song of Solomon 4:9), that’s not just the voice of an earthly king. It’s a glimpse of the greater Bridegroom—Jesus, who crossed heaven and earth to make you His own.
If you’re married, that means God wants to renew your covenant, heal what’s been broken, and rekindle what’s grown cold.
If you’re single, it means you are no less loved, no less complete, no less called. Your worth isn’t waiting at the altar. It was already proven at the cross.
If you’re burdened by regret, it means there is forgiveness for every failure and hope for every heart.
This isn’t cheap love. This isn’t romantic fluff. This is a love as strong as death, a love that was proven through pierced hands and sealed with an empty tomb.
So wherever you are, lift your head.
You are loved—passionately, eternally, and personally.
And when Jesus returns, it will be for His bride—radiant, forgiven, and fully His.
Be ready. Be restored. Be loved. ________________________________________ ©️ Copyright 2025 Gene Simco Most Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scriptures in brackets reflect the original Biblical languages.