Recovery & Forgiveness
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morning all right I'm Heather I'm Pastor Jean's wife for those of you who don't know me and I first have to say thank you to whoever invented waterproof makeup um that song is just near and dear to my heart and um today is a very special day that I'm going to get to share with you um why it's so special I'm going to start with that song um we haven't had that here for a very long time so hearing it again is just my gosh um I didn't grow up in the church all my parents decided to let me kind of decide for myself so when we finally found C3 I hadn't been baptized so I met with pastor and yeah I asked him like so you think I should get baptized and he's like you know go ahead and pray about it like somehow I would be the only person that didn't need to get baptized like no Heather you're good you don't have to worry about that you know Jesus got baptized but Heather you're you're good no I don't think so so anyway I go home and I'm thinking about it and um I get in my car and at the time I didn't realize that I had the message that those of you have Sirius XM I didn't know that I had it programmed on number three until after we found church and I was like well that's kind of funny and so I get in my car that morning and literally as soon as I turn on the car the first note of redeem plays like right out the gate and I'm like okay it's like my car is talking God's talking me through my radio and of course I mean I probably should have pulled over because I was crying just like it was just now a few minutes ago but a little bit worse and um then the DJ introduces the next song Mike all right and he says this is a secular band we normally don't play this but once you hear this you'll you'll completely understand why and the next song is Rascal Flatts change talking about I came up out of the water I was like okay God I mean he couldn't talk to me any louder than at that moment and uh once again I probably should have pulled over but that'll be a story for another day but anyway it was just I I knew right then and there I was in the right place at the right time and God was telling me all right it's time to make this commitment to me and start walking in this direction and um so today I'm going to get to share with you my story some of you have heard it some have not but today is a very very special day and one I never thought I'd be proud to celebrate but I'm nine years sober today this day thank you and that is only for God because it wasn't for him I would definitely not be standing here today at all whatsoever um so all glory to him that I'm even you know breathing today so um my come to Jesus moment was nine years ago and I'm gonna start at the beginning in my childhood I was born and raised in California and I know what you're saying man why doesn't she have a Jeep and a surfboard in the parking lot uh no I'm kidding or blonde that was what I got when I moved to New York they're like why aren't you blonde I'm like we're not all on like in LA and on a movie set but okay so um born and raised in California my parents are very very young they were teenagers when they had me and they actually got married and you know teenagers getting married having a kid didn't work out so by the time I was about two years old they had called it quits and I was with my dad for most of my childhood and very geographical I think I've moved in more places by the time I was two or three then I've moved in the past 40 years and we finally settled in with my grandparents when I was about four my dad married the Girl Next Door my stepmother also very young only 14 years older than me at the time and um that began my childhood of just in a nutshell Cinderella Story I ended up with two half Brothers the cleaning verbal abuse so a lot of that just I was kind of the black sheep I wasn't hers so therefore it was not necessarily Equitable in uh in the household and so not knowing that I had the disease of alcoholism growing up I always felt less than anyway and I didn't really know my mom growing up she kind of got cut out of my life and so there was a big void in my life from the beginning not really understanding what that was I grew up my grandparents did take me to church every weekend and I remember that was some of the best memories I had growing up um I mean getting yelled at for getting grass stains on my knees we grew up in California so you could always play outside and um but those are really good memories in that church and eventually we became CEOs if you don't know what that is it's a Christmas Easter only Christian and so we did that until I was about seven or eight and then no longer CEOs until I became one of my adult life and I'm kidding um anyway so we um pretty much cut that off my stepmother was more of that controlling type so she couldn't control her environment she didn't want really anything to do with it and so just normal upbringing we moved around again like I said a lot every year I was in a different school really very little stability and um we moved into one house luckily for about six years and it was my first introduction to church since I was a kid and I got invited to youth group and so I went there for a while and I got to go on a youth group trip to Lake Tahoe now I know that it's like light years away from here but in California it was only a four hour drive it was the first time I ever saw snow at like 14 years old and I learned very quickly you do not pick up snow in knit gloves not a good idea so those of you who've been born and raised in Florida bring real gloves if you ever decide to go visit snow it's very important tip because that was not I wasn't prepared anyway so we're at the youth group and I remember we had you know the prayer circle and it was the first time in my life we just we had the prayer time and I felt enveloped by the holy spirit for the first time at 14 years old and with my tumultuous childhood I really didn't understand what that was and I just remember being at peace and I came home I was so excited I was like I Found Jesus and you know my 90s flannel I'm like ready to go I'm like I want to go back to church my Stepmother's like you are not going to do your Bible thumping Jesus love and Kumbaya stuff in my house and that was it I was like okay so but for me it was a it was a mustard seed and I was so grateful for the people that introduced me to that because I had that to go back to and although I didn't necessarily have a direct relationship with God formally I was always very spiritual and intuitive and so somehow I knew to listen to that gut which later on I found out was God not me uh so we eventually California becomes a memory because my mother my stepmother was from New York so we visit New York for the first time and I'm 17 first time I went on a plane it's the first time in snow 14 I'm a late bloomer with some of these things but growing up California you can pretty much drive everywhere you want to go so we finally hit New York for the first time in a plane in October in New York now again if you haven't been to Lake Tahoe go if you go to California don't stay visit it's pretty just from experience and um but New York in October with the leaves changing I just I felt like I was at home for the first time in a long time and so we moved back we went back home to California and my stepmother goes you know why don't we move to New York and we're like okay so I start applying to colleges my senior year of high school and I got into some really good colleges in California and a few in New York and I really I had that fork in the road of hmm should I stay here on my own here I'm 17 years old or go to New York and something just said New York is where you need to go and so Two Brothers two dogs a U-Haul truck and a Ford Explorer no internet I had to scale out the map all the way across the country and so that was quite an adventure everyone is super spoiled nowadays we're just you know you don't have to tell you what to do I was the Navigator my parents had a lot of trust in me but anyway it was really important for me to get good grades and get into college because that was my ticket out from the household that I grew up in so I got into a good college in New York and so we took off we landed and within a few weeks of college I moved out on my own 17 years old no driver's license no job no car just me and a few crates of all of my belongings and that would be the first time I really just didn't have a home for quite some time and luckily I met what would be my future sister-in-law in college and she goes hey I want to meet my older brother I go yes and so I meet Gene and it's love at first sight but it took a couple years before it finally caught up and by 19 we by the time I was 19 if we were together and we've been together for 23 years and celebrated 20 years married last year and um if not all to my credit there was a lot of work getting here but we started our journey together both of us in our own struggles but I was out on my own at 17 and my goal was to become a teacher he built a business and so we just hit the ground running for me it was just proving everyone wrong in my past what could I get on my resume to make me feel better about myself what label what accomplishment that's it and so I chased anything of the world to try and make me feel complete and prove everyone wrong the fear and anger was a an enormous motivation for me to just all right fine I'm going for it and so I'd hit a goal and I'd be on to the next one before I even realized that I had hid that one just because it was just it was an addiction in and of itself and so going to college I grew up in household is fairly dry and um not realizing my dad has struggled with alcoholism it was fairly well hidden when I was growing up so I discovered beer in college for the first time and I thought that the things that I was experiencing in college was normal because it's College luckily there's online so not everyone has to go through all the wonderful experiences that college provides other than a good education um so but for me it was a lot of just every it seemed normal for what I was doing in in my peers at the time and So eventually graduate I get a teaching job right out of college at 21 I'm teaching Middle School yes I taught seventh graders and you're probably wondering now not at all why I don't teach anymore that was uh it was a very good time in my life to do that but um I don't miss it and I taught history which I'm good with names and dates so I definitely won't forget my sobriety date especially now that I'm sober um but we did that and we built our business as well so Gene was into mixed martial arts and when I was growing up my my dad and my mother used to be a joke at me because from the time I was two years old I used to beat my cousins up so I've been beating boys up since I was two years old this so if I see intimidating I'm sorry I was just made that way um and then I found a career that let me do it I got paid to do it I was like oh this is wonderful I get to beat up my instructors like fantastic so growing up it was just one of those things where I could I could chase after goals and money and success and we ended up becoming very successful for where we came from basically being on our own as teenagers to you know fairly decent living and we thought we had made it and uh so despite our success or the other way around despite how much I was drinking we became more successful so the two things didn't necessarily combine so I did stop long enough to have a beautiful baby girl who was now 18 years old which is so weird to me anyone who has adult children it's like it it's a little bit of a mind Bender that you know feels like I was just I'm talking about when I was 17 and anyway so we can talk about that I'll go to therapy for that later um but anyway so I put down the drink for a little bit of time and it was about four years and I remember getting to the point where I was like oh I can control it I put it down for about four years I can control this now despite some of the crazy things that I had put myself in our family through growing up too sorry to rewind a little bit but feeling less than it was very suicidal in high school and always feeling less than and unfortunately with the disease of alcoholism it it gets enemy just gets in there makes you feel like you were just smaller than an ant and it's a very vicious mental cycle that goes on in there and so when you mix that with alcohol it just becomes very um chaotic in your life and so again we became very successful we were in an environment where I was super enabled I knew cops I knew people who no matter what I did wrong would get mad of any scrape that I got myself into and just don't do that again Heather it was like okay and um so I really didn't suffer consequences for the things that I was doing and um so again we become successful we sold part of our business moved down to Florida we're going to build this like MMA Empire build a third location and within a month moving down to Florida I get rear-ended and that was the point at which God took everything on those pieces of paper that I thought made me mean was like nope they're gone I had to ask for help with groceries I had to go to physical therapy like everything that I thought made me was just stripped away and it got me down to the root of what I actually needed to work on and so we move into this neighborhood now mind you where we lived in New York there's no sidewalks or street lights and so we move into a neighborhood and it's like Leave it to Beaver where people walking down the street knocking on your door like hello neighbor and you're like were terrified and I'm like okay we have to survive and Gene's you know hiding in the corner not really it was me um and like he really needs to survive Suburbia so what should we do we really need help so you think of two things when you need help here like therapy or church and so I'm weighing it out in like therapy right we'll go to therapy so I look for a therapist and we go together for a few times then she says you know Heather I'd really like to see you by yourself I'm like okay great we're gonna talk about Gene how are we going to help him come up the game plan an XL sheet and check it off do my to-do list yeah no that is not at all what happens so if you're in therapy and that happens just mentally be prepared it's going to be about you not about the other person and so I go in there she skirts around it from what I can remember it says you know Heather do you think you might have a problem with alcohol and I go no I have a consumption problem and I can learn to control my drinking like my ice cream I'll be just fine now the reason why I said that was because food was my first drug of choice when I couldn't get alcohol or drugs in high school because my house was very dry controlling stepmother I literally was on the seafood diet if I saw food I ate it and that was my motto in life until we found the gym and I got in shape but that was my first drug of choice I was like yeah I'll just put that in the same category as ice cream yeah no you're not going to get pulled over and given a DUI for eating ice cream and driving at the same time it's definitely two separate categories although still dangerous you know if you're going to try and you know do a you know ice cream cone and or a spoon not advise just pull over enjoy your ice cream and then keep driving but then I'll let Tony deal with the whole alcohol thing later but anyway but that was where it wasn't my in my mind and so I was on the river denial and the shape of Heather smoke cloud was left behind me and that was the last time I ever saw the therapist and so yeah and I was like yeah she doesn't know what she's talking about and so right you were right the woman who asked me that question um and so we go back home and we're like okay you know what we need Community therapy didn't work so like church I remembered when I was a kid like that was I just remember feeling at home as a kid there and so we start googling I asked my dad I'm like what kind of church was it he's like non-denominational like okay great so I start googling churches and we try and plan something to get in the way and finally found C3 and at the time it was funny because it was like Choose Your Own Adventure yes I'm showing my age or it was like a traditional service and a modern service someone had tattoos and jeans I'm like yes but actually the key point was it was at 11 15 a.m that was the latest service in Southwest Florida that allowed me to sleep in with the hangover and get to church on time so that was really the main that was the main goal I'm like all right 11 15 we can do that I can handle that time frame in the morning so we joined church and almost immediately we get voluntold into service I'm on the board jeans on the worship team and we're like now we have to be at church at 9 30. right I know well your life has changed so much in 11 years um and so he's like so here we are we're still working in our industry trying to have parties Saturday night and get to church by 9 30 in the morning it was like yeah this is not working so but we never miss church regardless of how much we tried to balance those two it was still a priority to us because that was a commitment that we made and so I'm like okay we're really going to have Community this is what we need to do and you know whenever we get volatile to do something we generally do it so that's we don't like letting people down again codependency that's a whole other issue I'll deal with on another day um so that being said we finally join and we sign up for I sign us up for embrace groups this was funny because and now that he's the lead pastor this has so much more weight so I signed us up for like these little you know small groups and we're working on Monday nights and I'm like we have to leave early because we're going to a group on Monday night he's like I'm not leaving work early to go to church I already go on Sundays why do I need to go any other day of the week God has quite a sense of humor yeah so uh he was he was working on both of us at that point and so we go we meet with other people and there were a couple women in that group who shared that they were sober and my jaw dropped I mean I speak with my face those of you who know me I will never play poker you will take all of my money I cannot I speak with my face before my mouth and so you probably know I was shocked and you probably had me pinpointed at the end of the meeting but they're like I've been sober this much time I'm like hey why are you happy B why are you telling people this don't talk about that stuff out loud you sweep it under the rug and you move on and um at this point I'm so grateful that those women told me their story because when when I hit my bottom I know exactly who to go to and so I went to them they brought me to meetings and I started meeting with the pastor took me a little while to get it and uh we'll never forget the meeting I had seen pastor about the baptism God he was so patient with me um and so I have my like my first day coin and my Bible and I sit in the meeting and I'm like basically leave me alone like I'm going to meetings I got my Bible got my coin like you know back off and um because I just I wanted to keep doing what I wanted to keep doing and just kind of keep that that distance from everyone I wasn't ready for the accountability until it kept progressing and progressing and progressing and there was a point at which where I would get some time under my belt go back out same thing back and forth and there was a final day where I couldn't pass any store that sold any kind of alcohol and not stop and pick something up and I remember getting home that day Gene doesn't speak isn't speaking to me no one's talking to me which is weird because we're best friends like we talk all of the time and for that silence to be there I was like I did it again and I remember going to bed that night not sleeping at all and um I got to about three o'clock in the morning and there was a point which I couldn't call the pastor I couldn't call a sponsor I couldn't call anyone physically on the phone who was getting in the way of my sobriety and I finally got on my knees and asked God he answered the call I was like can you just take this from me I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired and I just let him take it from me and it was at that moment nine years ago that I put my face on my fake hardwood floor and God removed that compulsion to drink and if that wasn't enough of a God moment I'm going to add a cherry on top like I said I just I have to share the godwinks so if you're wrestling with anything spiritually this morning this was a mind blower because it took me a couple years into sobriety I was writing down in my book and my notes when I was in meetings and I realized that the day that I got sober was the exact Year from when Gene had his come to Jesus moment the year before he went to the hospital he has his own story but it was literally the exact year mark of that so his was 10 mine's nine and it was like wow only God could have orchestrated our dates lining up like that which was truly amazing and one thing I want to share with you about getting sober is that was just the beginning of the journey that was just the first step and from there on out having everyone around me in the work afterward is the reason why I'm standing here today and I'm going to share with you some of those tools some of those things some of those applications that have truly kept me alive and kept me moving over these past nine years um because just because you put down an addiction doesn't mean that it goes away it is a mental disease and it has um you have to work through so much of the wreckage that you caused during that in order to keep moving forward and not get pulled back to that and so we have certain tools and it's hand in hand with church for me my recovery and my fellowship are two sides of the same coin which is funny because we get coins in our recovery and so we have Key Parts which is making amends forgiveness and self-inventory in putting yourself back together on this journey and the Forgiveness part is crucially important and I'm going to share some scripture with you this morning that just ties this together as far as forgiveness in Matthew 18 21-22 then Peter came to him and asked Lord how often should I forgive someone who sins against me seven times seven no 77 not seven times Jesus replied but 70 times seven I'm a math person I do the math real quick and I can give that to you but yeah basically endless and then Matthew 6 14-15 this is at the end of The Lord's Prayer normally we say we kind of cut it off when we do our Lord's Prayer and see Glory forever and ever but these last two lines Gene kind of joked we should put it on a mug and then someone did um but it's the part that is very important to keep in mind in your walk of especially for me in in your spirituality is if you forgive those who sin against you your heavenly father will forgive you but if you refuse to forgive others your father will not forgive your sins the first time I soberly read that I was like whoa okay so um forgiveness is something that sometimes is easier to give to other people but we look at the Bible and God telling us that it's not just necessary it is essential in him forgiving you um one thing in my walk that I found amazing was I was able to forgive other people I know most of us no one very few people get a lot of ticket of like great parents and you did I miss so happy for you um but not everyone gets a lotto ticket of a family that is truly supportive of who they are and most of us come with baggage we you know most people come in church they're not here on a winning lottery ticket and if they are please tithe it that'd be awesome um anyway but we come in here broken and only God knows how to get inside of us and help put us back together and so once that Holy Spirit was inside of me and I had to start looking at things that I thought that people had done to me the Forgiveness um I know like when I can't forgive someone I get that pit in my stomach like Whatever anxiety you feel like either get tight in the throat you're just like someone mentions them in the conversation they call you they text you you see an email you're like I'm working on my anger issues um but you get that like tight feeling and the one thing about forgiveness is two things one thing I learned is that person went through their own stuff that led them to do to me what they did to me and we have a saying hurt people hurt people and when I put them in I put myself in their shoes and I go would I have done any better if I was only 18 years old raising a four-year-old would I have done any better if I was pregnant at 16 would I have done any better like looking at whatever wreckage that person went from like really like they have their own stuff and God is going to take care of them he's got it and so when I can kind of separate myself from them and stop blaming God for people having free will it completely Set Me Free from any ties to those individuals and not forgiving them and I felt so much lighter moving through life just even if I couldn't physically make an amends with them or say sorry for the things that I had done but I knew when I let go of those feelings I just like you feel that much lighter than the person like you're carrying them around in this backpack of like all these people and sometimes this is part of the self-inventory you kind of have to look at not when you're told there's every circumstance is different but for me when I look back and go what did I do that caused that person to treat me that way that's really where the ouch part comes in where you kind of turn around and figure out where was your role and then behaving their certain way plus their baggage and again that allowed me to forgive them and just let God work on them and pray for them you know you're supposed to love your enemies you don't have to like everyone but you have to love everyone and so when you separate that out and just let them go down their path they have free will and you just hope that they fun God and come to the same level forgiveness that you do because really especially in alcoholism drinking having those resentments is like drinking poison hoping you're going to hurt the other person that never works and what they think of you is none of your business and so you just have to let them just walk on their own path and work out whatever relationship that looks like and so the other thing about forgiveness and this is probably the hardest thing that I have encountered and I still see with people that I work with whether it's in recovery being in church as long as I have there's something about forgiveness that there's always someone that everyone forgets to forgive in their list of forgiveness or walking with Christ and having that inside of you and you'll never guess who it actually is yourself you have to forgive yourself because in that when you have that shame that guilt and remorse if you don't forgive yourself like God forgives you right he's like you're redeemed you're made new you're not that person anymore you're like nope I'm better than you God I'm not forgiving myself that hit me like a ton of bricks when I was like okay whoa the one difference between God and me is God knows he's not me and then when I don't forgive myself I'm saying I'm better than God okay so I got a bit right-sized in thinking about that but then at the same time like how do I deserve forgiveness all the things that I did wrong all the things I did to myself because everything that I've done in my life I was hurting myself more than anyone else and you know God knows everything and so you're that shame that guiltmore Morris tied me back and so one thing that I find that's really important is having the tools to forgive yourself and that shame that guilt and remorse I think the guilt is one of the most important Key Parts this was twofold for me I felt guilty over feeling guilty about bringing my mess to someone else how who am I to throw all of the sins of my past onto another person they have enough going on in their life why do they need to walk me through my problems well that's why we have a church and that's why we have other people to help us walk through life but you have to allow them in in order to do so and feeling guilty about your past at the same time and that lack of forgiveness and that guilt is a way to keep yourself Shackled to the person that you were for me when I didn't forgive myself it gave me an excuse to hold on to my sins keeping that key like I'm gonna like no I'm gonna put these shackles this ball and chain right back on I'm gonna throw away the key I don't care if God if you forgave me I don't forgive myself but by holding on to that version of myself it like no maybe maybe I'll I'll defuse this feeling with some ice cream luckily for me it wasn't a drink for another nine years but for me it's the same root different branch I can I can turn anything into an addiction if I'm at Staples I think I have every color paper clip in my office my new boss goes yeah this is a pretty paper clip it must be yours I'm like I don't use that color like that's how bad some of my addictions are that people know um but if I'm at Staples more than I'm in my office I have a problem if I'm at the gym more than I'm supposed to be working or working out I have a problem but for me it's at accountability and insurance policy of bringing other people in but essentially the most important part is when I'm not working on forgiving myself and letting go of the person that I used to be it keeps me connected to the person that I used to be and all the sins that I used to do and it keeps moving backwards now in Christianity some of us think I don't deserve forgiveness you don't know what and then finish the sentence have we read the Bible we've been going through the rest of the story there's nothing that has been done in this world that we will do that hasn't already been done before and God has forgiven it so again let him forgive it you forgive it in yourself and let it go and so you're like okay great this is wonderful Heather but how and the other question I want you to ask yourself is are you made new in Christ or not and I know it's a cliche like you start with the man in the mirror but essentially you do have to start with that because you're the person that makes the change are you going to be the blocking Bible the walking person that's going to be the light for someone to see it go you know what I want what they have what do they have that I don't well I have Christ I'm the Holy Spirit I have a church body I have a community of people who loves me for who I am regardless of who I used to be they know that I'm walking forward and so that's the important thing is knowing that you're walking forward even if you're treading water I joke with some of the people I work with as long as you're treading water and your head's above water and you're not drowning for me that's progress because at least you're not drowning at least you're working to stay alive and working to move forward and so we have an acronym in our program called how and so you're like great Heather it's a wonderful forgive myself easier said than done how honesty openness and willingness you have to get honest with yourself in another person honest with God do that deep dive it it hurts but once you let that go again you're going to Free Yourself of all the shackles of the person that you used to be and you're able to then follow your will that God wants you to do in your life openness letting people in willingness to do it so those three components are super essential in allowing yourself to work on who you are who you used to be looking at it I mean I look back at my myself and I'm like it feels like a dream that's how far away that person feels from who I am today but again it was it would not be for this church the people who love me the pastors the trust openness the willingness and finally doing the work to move forward and not getting caught up in all the things that I should have done if I look in the rearview mirror and go I should have I should have I should have I could have I should be doing I should be the I was I have a recovery data column and um I know I don't know how many of you know that V8 commercial they go you know it hits him in the head yeah he goes stop shutting all over yourself and I was like what he's like stop shutting all over your pillow yourself and I'm like okay that one's stuck we speak in a lot of bumper stickers on our fellowship and usually every once in a while they stick to us on our way out and that was one that I will never forget I was like okay because you have to stop wishing for a different past you can't change what you should have done the only person in this world who tells you what you should be doing is God he gave us our rule book these are the things that you should be doing but you telling yourself what you should be doing you're going to be going backwards it's like looking in the rearview mirror when you're trying to drive forward you're going to crash and so it's really important to keep an eye on okay what does God say I should be doing okay prayer working with other people I know when I was in recovery different jobs that I went through I brought other people in hey what do you think about this do you think this is right for me and even if it hurt I got an honest opinion but as a church body and one group together looking out for one another it helps us move forward in the purpose that God has for us by being bonded and so for me not wishing for a different past because that pass is what brought me to where I am today and one thing I also find in Christianity and in walks of life even in sobriety is comparing some people kind of wish for a deeper bottom some people think well mine wasn't as bad as so and so or theirs is worse or but we call it comparing instead of identifying and if you compare your story to someone else's you're not focusing on yours and for me I know this is a cliche you turn your mess into your message but it is true beyond measure my mess I will go through and I'm talking to somebody and I go they're literally listing off the things I went through almost in order like wow so God had me go through all of that so I can help this person walk through those situations better than I did what a mind blower and God put me in this person's life to be the light to help them to help myself get out of myself so I'm not being selfish that's the other thing about not forgiving yourself you're actually being more selfish by focusing on your own past sins than being selfless letting go of your past and letting God lead you to who you're supposed to be and so being on our own journey and working out a relationship with God is incredibly important in just letting in the church letting in the Holy Spirit working through those things and figuring out where your past brings you to where you are and again that's part of the Forgiveness of others but also ourselves I literally like I said why I'm sharing so much is it's one thing to put down your addiction it is quite another to make it so many years because it didn't it wasn't easy I've had times in my life where I'm still doubting myself just because I work in Ministry just because I'm married to the pastor does not mean we have a bat phone to God I don't have all the answers we still have to live through life like everybody else and these certain tools and I thought that being an alcoholic was going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me I'm like I don't want that letter like I don't want that label you can basically call me anything else but once I finally thought of that liability as an asset to get up here strong enough to share all I mean I'm not going to tell you all the horrible things that I did that it's not very good I'd be up here for probably too long um but it it's essential to making sure that transforming into who I am and walking through those things to share that life happens and the way that we get through life is together we have our relationship with each other in our vertical relationship with God but without those two directions you don't have the cross and for me I literally would not be alive if somebody didn't say you're you okay you're doing all right today I'm like no or no I'm fine huh no that's not an okay answer what is going on and people knowing you well enough to get to that and caring about you enough to get through that and that church family for me has been the life changer so I'm so glad it wasn't therapy because for me being connected to the body you know and they haven't Corinthians like you're the foot you're the eye or the you can be everyone is essential in the body of Christ and when we're all together being that light for the kingdom and walking through we call it promotion attraction not promotion that's the one thing that led me here was like wow I've those women they were smiling I'm like okay I know they're not on drugs so why are they so happy um but yeah it was just that attraction that brought me to it I knew who to go to for help and that was just the game changer for me and so once I let go of the sins of my past felt lighter I was able to let go of that baggage and then get out of myself and help others where am I supposed to be what am I supposed to be doing and by turning that liability now into an asset I'm calling in my third recovery job my first one I went back to a very simple job then I got my next one which was about five years and then this last one I did my interview and he goes so it sounds like you have a lot of strengths do you have any weaknesses or we're covering alcoholic you could hear a record scratch because who says that in an interview it was like but for me if I can overcome something like that there's no problem I'm Gonna Do Vanilla Ice that I can solve I can't solve I was just occurring to me as I was saying that out loud um anyway mine I'm a 90s kid anyway so but it I I just I want to encourage you all today that all of those things that you thought or you think about yourself that you're not worthy of enough that whatever label that the world has given you that you've given yourself I am so much harder on myself than anyone else you don't want to get in here there's too many others and they're not always very nice to each other I told you I like to beat people up for a living so I generally do it to myself I don't need anyone else to criticize me but once I let go of that and I I hold on to what I thought was going to be a label that was going to bring me down and I turn it around into something that's going to lift me up and help others it's a game changer it really is so I want to encourage you with whatever everyone we're human we're all human we all have our vices it doesn't have to necessarily be what mine is but everyone has something that we go to otherwise the Bible wouldn't exist we wouldn't have to price wouldn't have had to die for us for our sins like we all have something but when you let go of that something and let someone else in to help you carry it the load is lighter it helps them help you do not feel guilty that's why why we're all here and it was raining this morning we're like right no one's gonna be in church this morning because it's like snow in Florida um I was like great I'm just going to talk to Carolee the whole time I'm gonna make it easy um but again I just want to encourage you confidentiality is our middle name that's what we do in Ministry but get connected find someone here who you get along with who you can relate to have lunch with them have coffee with them have lunch with them in our Cafe upstairs just start connecting your past and let them trust you with who they were so they can let go of that person you guys can move forward together that is what we're here for in this world is to doing that as a church body and so again we're here for you we love you and if no one tells you this today this again for me when I first came to church was a game changer Jesus loves you he actually loves you and for me feeling love is really really difficult I didn't even know how to love myself it's like I can like the feeling hurt but when you let that in like it was when I was 14 and I felt enveloped by that Holy Spirit ah you you just it is a feeling beyond anything else there's nothing in this world that can compare to the feeling of Christ loving you and again that openness the honesty that willingness to let in the spirit and let him work inside of you is what will truly change you to who you're supposed to be not who you used to be let that person go leave them in the rearview mirror glance but don't stare and keep moving forward and we will be here for you all along the way thank you good morning C3 Church how you guys doing this morning we're dry and it feels good in here it's a little chilly outside for me but I'm so glad you could join us this morning and I just want to thank Heather for sharing that this stage is scary it's even scarier when you get up and admit that you have faults and things are wrong so it's awesome that she was able to do that today we also have something else that I want to introduce so as a church you often don't get to hear the stories of the impact that you have or that our church has in this community or the people in this community I think we did have a letter from the schools that talked about the things we donated in Pastor Gene mentioned that and so it's great to see that but it's actually great to meet the people that you have an impact on and we have an opportunity to do that today so I would like to bring somebody to Stage who is a member here at C3 you may not know but you will know after today so Wayne if you could come up here now as you're going to find out I'm going to ask Wayne just a couple questions uh just to get to know who he is and share some things that go along with today's theme now Wayne and I uh exist on opposite sides of life if you will would you agree with that statement yes yes so Wayne you now you celebrated a big anniversary last Sunday what is it that you celebrated last Sunday the 23rd was two years sober for me two years sober [Applause] Wayne what brought you how did you get to C3 Church what brought you here um uh a few what was it about four years ago maybe uh there's several of us living in the woods over on Bayshore and uh there's a guy named Tony who used to come here and uh he used to come there and pick us up in the back of his truck bring us here and then every Sunday it was it was free food and they'd give us food to take back to the woods with us I mean you can't pass it up listen yeah exactly free food gets everybody's attention right so um Wayne walk me through this you're here at C3 Church what is C3 Church doing in your life right now how is it impacting you where you're at right now uh C3 Church is a I mean he's it's just welcoming it's great for real it's not it's just it's great for me it's not too packed it's not too political it's it's just a great it's non-denominational no judgment uh and there's Fellowship every Sunday that's a that's a big role yeah let me click on that Fellowship because a couple months ago you had a graduation and you had people from C3 Church attender graduation right yes yes I did that's and that's that's what it's all about and I'm going to tell you um I love Wayne to death Wayne you should be in prayer for Wayne because there are some things that he has to do that a normal average human being does not have to do I'm extremely impressed with this man every time I talk to him um it's not very often from this side of the table that I get to see something like that but I'm going to explain what what happens when you get to know people I encourage everybody every Sunday to go upstairs and get to know people so I'm going to tell you how Wayne and I met um so Wayne and I met here at church but we knew each other I knew Wayne way before I knew him you know what I'm saying so I was in fto which is field training so I was being trained to be a deputy I am in the car with at the time a corporate Corporal De Carlo and DeCarlo tells me this story said hey I said hey I asked him every cop question and I was like hey man did you ever almost have to use your for your firearm and he said yeah there was one time he was like we're out on this call and there was a guy with a hatchet or a machete um and we were telling them to drop it and he raised it up and the way the way DeCarlo described the scene is he had his gun drawn he's telling him to drop it and DeCarlo says I don't know why the gun didn't go off he says all as I could feel was my finger Street squeezing the trigger slowly back and he's like all I was waiting for was the gun to go off because at this point in time one of us was going to die and it was going to be him and he said he's like it was just such a God thing that the gun didn't even fire and I thought that was such an incredible story I was like wow that's insane and then a year and a half later I am sitting upstairs in C3 Cafe I see wayne I sit down I begin to talk to him and he goes hey man do you know a guy named DeCarlo and I was like I do and I'm gonna let Wayne finish telling the rest of that story okay um it's kind of weird uh this is uh I'll admit it might be a little PG uh but but God is good um yeah that night that night was uh that night was pretty crazy I was uh see I'm from Kentucky and I started manufacturing meth when I was about like 16 17. and uh it was a different type so shamefully shamefully there's several types nowadays but here I am on my fifth night up on Bay on Shadow lawn next to the Tree of Life church and the gazebo in the middle of the night and I'm um I'm putting together I'm putting together things I'm thinking I'm manufacturing something that I'm not I'm thinking I'm making a different type that I didn't know how to make I'm putting together let's see let me just mention also four days up a human is included as mentally insane and that's without a substance so here I am five days up and I'm putting together food and drink mixes and water and I'm thinking there's a clear gel substance make you know for me and I'm like maybe overnight this hardens up and oh my goodness gone but thankfully police showed up that night well it starts getting hot so I take my Hatchet out and I start cutting my pant legs off and um Police pull up well in my mind if they come to this gazebo I'm gone for 10 plus years they can't come to this gazebo so I start walking toward them yes with the hatchet still in my hand and so both of them draw their guns and ordering me to drop the hatchet drop the hatchet well now they got their guns drawn on me I'm definitely not walking away from this and I'm gone for 10 plus years in my mind so I I'm done for I I raised the hatchet and there's like a there's like a there's a tree like 10 15 feet next to the police officer and I raised the hatchet and I throw it right into the tree and I was like just beep and shoot me and uh and then the the partner of the police the partner of your sergeant um he Blinded Me with his flashlight and then there's your Sarge tackled me like a football player they sprayed they sprayed the heck out of me and that was my first time so in my I thought I was on fire like I'm rolling on the concrete in handcuffs God please set me on fire I'm done I'm done never again and uh so I I go to jail and I get my paperwork and resisting arrests without violence a misdemeanor and I mean I'd be I'd be real surprised that night if I didn't at least have paraphernalia on me and but that's all I got and so a week a month or two later I get out of jail and I'm at the Bayshore Plaza me and someone else were drinking and uh cop pulls up and he makes he makes us pour our beer out and as he's doing that I pull out the paperwork for my backpack and I'm like Hey Hey sir do you do you know this police officer he was like yeah that's me I'm like that that was you that night at the at the plot at the Tree of Life he's like yeah Mr Moore that was me I was like I just wanted to thank you you could have shot me he said we could have shot you multiple times Mr Moore and uh ever since then he's been great like every time he'd see me in town he'd ask how I was doing asked if I was being good and it was just never out to get me you know as I never thought I'd say I'd have I have respect for a police officer one day but I have respect for a police officer and uh but here I am I'm sorry on stage yeah here I am talking with one on stage also but uh we're up here having fellowship and I'm bringing this up and then see I didn't know this part I I brought this up about the sergeant about the hatchet and he's like oh my goodness I think I know exactly what you're talking about that's my sergeant and he he tells that story in the [ __ ] this story floats around in the sheriff's department nowadays I guess and he tells me he doesn't know the sergeant said it doesn't he doesn't know how his gun didn't go off and yeah that's a that's a blessing so and and that's just the thing guys is it's amazing um and to be honest with you that story gets completed because Sergeant DeCarlo is a Christian and does go to church and I was able to go back I was like hey man you're never gonna guess who I met Sunday and he's like who and I'm like no no you gotta try um and he's like I was like you remember Kentucky's like yeah yeah he tried to throw a hatchet at me and I was like oh yeah you don't forget those things very often right and I was like dude he's at church and he looked at me and he goes now I know why God didn't let the gun go off and so incredible story right so the thing about it is again this is just an encouragement thank you so much for sharing your story I know it's not easy getting up here um again I I have crazy respect for this man because I I wish we would spend 30 minutes up here telling you what what he has to do um in order to live a quote-unquote free life at this point in time and so but he does it uh he works hard at it and if you get a chance to get by and meet him in the cafeteria you can um you know and just get to know who he is um and he's an open book that's what's amazing right because if I there are some things that we hide from the smallest sins and we don't want people to know and here he is up here in front of you uh just laying his life open and so that's that's what it's all about right that's what church is all about we're here to love each other and we love each other through the good times and the bad no matter what right so that's that's awesome thank you so much sir thank you