Sermon Transcript
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Mon, Apr 28, 2024 10AM • 52:44SUMMARY KEYWORDSpeople, god, church, move, work, journey, life, literally, put, years, finally, talk, baptized, living, new York, sober, sin, started, pizza, eventually
Good morning. All right. So I heard a story. perfect substitute that there was a pastor out there who loved pizza so much that he decided to make his wife preach for him so he can make pizza for the whole church. So I have decided or been substituted. There's a bigger reason. Jean, as you very well know loves his pizza and is cooking food for all of you upstairs, we brought all of the supplies from our backyard, and he has been diligently working all week to cook you fresh pizza this morning. So pizza forgot for breakfast only at C3. So anyway, those of you who don't know me, obviously, I'm a pastor's wife. My name is Heather. And I'm here to not only give Jean the day off, but it is a very special anniversary for me at this time that I get to share with you on an annual basis. And this is a 10 year marker, which is enormous. Thank you have my sober anniversary. And so I'm going to be going through real church, real people and what your pastor's wife, real life looks like. Because we're here to do life together. And if I can't tell you how I got through life, how in the world can you come to me and or us and live with each other if we can't share those with one another. So I'm taking the mask off. I've done it before. But after 10 years, I'm still really nervous. It's really weird. But I do have the uniform down, we've got the collared shirt, the shoes, wait, I moved. Normally, I'm an animatronic. I like only move from the waist up. So I'm trying to just allow God's speak through me this morning and just really get to the heart of not only my journey with Christ, but my journey in sobriety, which are two sides of the same coin for me. And I know what there's no one in this world that doesn't have something that they're dealing with. And if I can help anyone get closer to Christ today and further away from whatever that is holding you back and letting it go, I'll be really, I mean, God will just smile even more than he already does by having us all together this morning. So all right, so I got to start at the beginning. We way back in the day. No, I'm kidding. So, my childhood I was actually born and raised in California. And I'll tell you how I eventually ended up in southwest Florida. I've done the trifecta of the United States. And it's quite a journey. So I was born and raised in California. My parents were teenagers when they had me. They did try to get married. That did not work because they were teenagers. They did the best that they could with what they had and proceeded to move around an awful lot. And my dad ended up taking care of me and remarrying my stepmother, where that would eventually turn into more of a Cinderella story. Just to keep things in a nice little nutshell. And before I forget, in my journey, my sobriety date, also celebrates jeans come to Jesus moment, which I didn't realize until I was further along in my sobriety, I was writing down the date, he had a mini those of you have heard his story of mini Tia. And I was in one of my meetings and I was writing everything down. And I realized that it was one year from when he had his come to Jesus moment that I got sober. So he really only he could make any anniversary lineup like that. It's April 30. So it's not today, it's two days from now. But it's really only the miracle of God that would have something lined up like that. And I just remember going it's good thing he was along first because mine was a little bit harder. So a lot more to get to where I am today. So but anyway, back in California, I grew up and normal childhood in general stepmother, younger brothers. And by the time I hit my teen years, I was full of depression. Couldn't really control anything in my life. That's always an illusion anyway. But for me, the first drug of choice that I had, we didn't really have a lot of substance around but everything was very controlling. And so my first drug of choice was food. And because there wasn't I wasn't allowed to party. I was a goody two shoes, I had to get good grades, I really was not that kind of person. And so I was like, oh, what can I do that no one can tell me not to and that was literally eat as much food as I could because it would release those Serotonins. And so as I walked in my journey, the one thing and obviously the Bible covers it in depth. It's the same route, different branch. When you look at the sins of the flesh, just cherry pick one it's really I can switch from one to the other. But for me, the first one that I had access to in my addiction was food and so I hit that hit the ground running and I started that unfortunate first road of addiction in my teen years, which led to a lot of again, depression, suicidal thoughts, trying to figure out how I was going to get out of the circumstance of the childhood and everything that I was living in. And one of the ways for me to do that was to get good grades and to gets college that was my ticket out. And one thing that kept me from really saying goodbye to everybody is certain teachers that I had, and knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and there was God inside of me who I, we didn't grow up in church, I was not brought up believing in Christ. And so thank God for that gut and my feeling in my gut, saying, Just wait a little longer. And so I did have my first amazing experience with the Holy Spirit. When I was 14. In California, those of you who understand the landscape of California, I grew up in San Jose, I ended up joining a youth group with one of my friends in high school and we went to Lake Tahoe for youth group trip, which is awesome, like, sorry, we're not doing that guys. Maybe Disney World will do together as a church, but we don't do youth group trips. But I was fortunate enough to go. And so Lake Tahoe and I saw snow for the first time at 14 years old. That's what happens to a Cali girl. You're not really introduced to snow very often. So, lesson learned, you don't wear knit gloves and throw snowballs at the same time. No one gave me that my mom my stepmother grew up in New York like she should have sent me prepare for SNAP. But now it's alright. I learned the hard way. It's usually how it works in life. I got you know, got hit Get hit by that Shepherd stick before I finally listen. So we're in Lake Tahoe riding it's good trip. And we're in you know, normal prayer group at night. And I just remember sitting there just we're in prayer. And it was the first time I ever felt the Holy Spirit just enveloped me, is the best way that I could describe it. And I had a piece of eye just around me that I had never felt before in my childhood or in my life. And it was just, it was life changing. It's just like one of those moments in time that is frozen. And I remember I was wearing I just the room, I could just put myself right back in there. And so, so excited to come back home. I got my pigtails and you know, the 90s gear, the flannel, the jeans the whole thing, right? Come back to my stepmother of like I found Jesus. No, no, no, no, you are not going to kumbaya Jesus Bible thump in this house. And I wasn't allowed to go back to church. I'm like, why would you keep a 14 year old girl church like I found Christ like, anyway, so that was not my point at which I was going to start my church journey. God had other plans, which is fine. But it planted a seed in me that I am forever grateful for and all those people in my lives where God just kind of put little speed bumps in the way to just kind of know that he was there even if I didn't know that he was there the whole time. So fast forward. My stepmother was born and raised in New York, she moved to California. And so by the time I was a senior in high school, we got invited to go to family members wedding and so we flew I flew for the first time at 17. Again, no snow till 14 no plane until so deprived as a child. So we finally flew for the first time or I did to New York in October, which How do you not fall in love with New York and the leaves change? It's just, I mean, California is pretty brown most of the year. So when you see orange in real life on leaves, I didn't know that existed in real life. I thought it was just in the movies. And so I fell in love with the place and we decided we're going to pick up and move to New York. And so I kind of had a nice crossroads, I got into a bunch of colleges in California and in New York. And it was like That's time I guess I was praying I didn't realize I'm like, should I wish I could have definitely stayed Hey, it was a great ticket away from my parents but California 1998 s now you know, hold on, which I don't care. But I could have stayed there but the economy and knowing how much I would have to struggle at the time I wanted to be a school teacher. And that's just really not a place to make any money and be able to live on your own in that profession. So I'm like alright, fine, I'll move to New York and again that gut feeling told me I think you're going to meet the man of your dreams in New York you might want to head over there and in New York just felt like home like I knew I needed to be there and so he picked up pack the house to you know, u haul truck, a an SUV, two younger brothers and two dogs all the way across country and that was before MapQuest. I mean we had to do it like the real way like I had the map I was the navigator my parents had a lot of trust in me. So I do the scale like let them know how long I mean we Motel Six did all the way across so I'll let you know which ones just don't go to any just leave them alone just save your money and stay somewhere else. The lights always on but you don't always want to go inside. So
actually checked in and checked out on one of them. Never mind so anyway, so I got to be the navigator and we moved cross country which was quite An adventure. And then we moved in and I started college. Here, I'm 17 years old and land in college and about three weeks and I'm still living at home. And it's just not working. I didn't have a driver's license, I didn't have a car and the family life, I thought, if we moved here, things would be better. I'm in college. I'm a grown up now, like respect me, that did not happen. So I go, Alright, I'm moving into the dorm. So I picked up what I had left, I had few crates of items that belong to me a few 100 bucks in my bank account, and I moved into the college dorms. And from that point on, I was literally on my own. Getting every job I could even if I didn't know how to do it. I was like, figure it out. Yeah, sure, I can do that. One of them the best one with this hilarious. I got a job in the computer lab. And now everyone knows I'm friends with printers, like gene will look at a printer, it'll explode. I had that first semester, pass it on to him. I worked in the computer lab. Every time I changed the paper, the thing would break away. I don't know. It. But it was it was survival. It was wherever I could get a job fine. I'm on my own. And I just knew that that was my ticket out. And again, that feeling of having God inside of me. I did a lot of prayer in I used to always just find a spot. And on the Hudson River again, if any of you have been in that area, it's just, there's some spots where you just know that you can just converse with God. And for me, it was just, I found my spot. I knew how to just find peace. When I mean I'm truly on my own. My parents kept moving, and I just have to figure it out. And so that was always an amazing experience having that inside of me. And so I start college and a few weeks in, I meet who would become my future sister in law. And she goes, Hey, Mommy, my brother. Sure. He's cute. All right. But it took a little longer to till the next year until we started dating, we had to go through some of our own experiences in life before we finally lined up. And so it has been 25 years that we've been together and 22 years married almost got it wrong. When I was practicing my message. I'm like, I'm the woman, I should know this. I'm a math person. But when you're nervous numbers come out the wrong way. But anyway, so 25 years together. So over half my life if you guys could do the math on Jean. His whole life No kidding. He's awfully bad. And so we started our journey together and him as well as myself. We both ended up out on our own as teenagers. And so we were just these driven, angry, fearful teenagers off to set the world on fire and prove every one wrong. We're like, you know what you said this, you said that? I'm going to do the opposite. I'm going to show you that I got this. And so we built a gym, a martial arts gym, I got my degree I started teaching. I taught seventh grade social studies. And now you people used to ask, do you ever want to go back to teaching them like I did my time. I did my 10 years, I'm good. But I enjoyed it at the time. But it just it wasn't necessarily for me. I woke up one day and realized I was living someone else's dream and not my own. And so although I had my master's degree, I ended up diving into our business full time. And that's what eventually led us down here. But in this journey, I did not pick up a drink until I was in college the first time of course, you go to college, go to a party, and I drink for the first time. And initially, it was just normal college behavior. And you know, you're just doing whatever it wants to doing, it seems normal, then you leave college and the behavior keeps getting worse and you're not in college anymore, it starts to get a little weird and a little it can be dangerous, and it can be you know, hurtful to the people around you. And but in our line of work and what we did, I was enabled by my environment. And no matter how much I drank, we became successful, like, it's almost like the more I dove into my addiction, the more successful we were. And it just, it didn't catch on necessarily that that was really a problem. And it didn't understand alcoholism, it's in my family. But no one ever explained to me that it was a disease and it was something that needed to be taken care of. And so I'm just an addict. So I'd be a workaholic, a workout a Holic a, you know, food or whatever it was that I could get my hands on, I would be addicted to. And so we got to a point where I finally stopped drinking too. We were trying to have our daughter, and I put the drink down for about four years. And I was like, I got this I got this down for four years. I can handle it. And so I remember having like this whole situation of promising like, hey, it's been four years, I can control this total illusion. And it did not did not work that way. And after four years not realizing that again, it's a disease and it is a progressive disease that when you put it down, it's still moves forward, whether or not you're picking it up. And so I had really hard postpartum depression and I was what we call dry drunk. And it was a very tumultuous time and so I ended up picking back up the drink and I'm out To the races again. And the only time I ever put it down is whatever place it was something else, whether it was work or working out or competition, a fitness competition. And so I tricked my mind into thinking, again, I can control if I can stop it for two months, and control it. So it didn't feel like I had a problem. And, again, I kept building this gilded cage, I felt insecure, not good enough, building my resume with every title I could to prove everyone wrong behind me that I was not what they thought that I was. And I would just hit one goal after another and just race through life. And I remember my mom saying, like, you should stop and smell the roses. I'm like, what roses. Like you take on like, I'm on to the next one. And, and I still move very quickly, I'm sure I'm speaking very quickly, I am trying to slow down in life it is. So I moved to Florida. It has slowed me down, believe it or not. But you know, moving through everything so quickly, and not taking the time to enjoy where I was and how far we had actually both come in our lives. And so again, here, I'm building this gilded cage. And if I can put enough out there that I've got my stuff together, you won't see me for who I am. And so it was very lonely. I could keep everyone at an arm's distance. And again, the environment we were in we own an MMA gym. We had a Rolodex of like cards. So if I got pulled over, I was like, sir, like you who are you? Just I don't need 10 calls like just don't do it again. It's kind of the way that was which it was the best and worst thing that happened to me because it ended up putting me right where I needed to be at the end of my road to finally asking for help. But so we're building this empire, proving everyone wrong and full boy, we did it man like we really became something in the industry that we were in and we were off to build an empire. And so we had tons of school to schools in New York, tons of students, I left my teaching job, and we come down to Florida to vacation, we were vacationing, his parents had a condo down here and so we will leave stuff behind. We're going to go to the beach. And so we come down here quite often and eventually, at the time, we're like maybe I'll open another school down here, some of our instructors lived here and we were off to build our empire and so we opened a third school sold part of our business up north and proceeded to move down to Florida. And this is the pizza full circle moment right? So we are down here looking for a place to open up the gym and possibly live. And again, I had that feeling in my gut and like do you really think we need to move to Naples like this is this is our new home like the same way I felt when I moved to New York is the same way I felt about Naples and jingo, literally cries where am I couldn't get my pizza.
I'm sure it will be okay. There are plenty other places to get kids you. I mean, you know him well enough now, but that was a legitimate moment.
So obviously, he solved his own problem. 12 years later, it's like I'm going to make my own no one can do it as good as New York. So now it's a whole you guys will experience afterwards so you can judge for yourself. So we packed up we moved we went back to Florida or back to New York packed up our stuff and drove down and really didn't look back we you know, the gym eventually kind of fell apart. But once we moved down here is when God really started working on me and I, we got in, I got rear ended a month into living down here. We were in the midst of building our third location, I did the women's program, the kids program, like my whole life was being a part of this gym. And it was at the time my identity. I was like I can make money doing it. I can beat people up. I know my mother joke is on called the Imam escalator. And so since I was two I used to be my cousin's up who are boys and I you know, it's just I'm sorry, if I come across intimidating. I'm just wired that way. I don't mean it. I don't hate you. I'm just it's my defense mechanism. So some people go, Heather seems really mean. And then like, go, she's awesome. It's just, it's just how I'm wired. I'm sorry, eventually, I'll let my guard down. But in time, so. But anyway, so through all that, I got rear ended and God literally at that moment, took everything away from me, that three page resume, every title that I was so just bent on achieving was just taken. It was just me, and I had never had to sit and look at me. For the first time. I was like, Wow. I mean, I really didn't know what to do so and that was my mechanism of just dealing with the pain from the accident and I didn't realize that I was an alcoholic at the time and so in in Florida, it is very easy to get alcohol in New York. You had to work for it here. It's at 711. CVS like there is I mean, there is eventually going to be street vendors on the corner just selling wine bottles like it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. And so it was the best and worst thing to happen because it just helped me finally spiral down to where I ended up. And so we moved down here, going through that. So we finally build, we find a house we move in. And it's suburbia like New York, we had no neighbors, you couldn't even have like, this whole Parkers are behind us. And now, we've got people ringing the doorbell knocking on the door, like, you know, Leave It to Beaver situation. And we're like, our neighbors are literally that you can touch the house right there like, Okay, this is very strange. And so Dean's are having a hard time acclimating to suburbia. Right? He's got a problem, I really need to help him, but just to our new lifestyle. And so I'm like, let me figure out how we go about helping gene with his problem. And so I'm therapy, right? So looking through, find some therapists finally set up an appointment, we're going to go together. So we go a couple times. And then she goes, Hey, Heather. Yes, I'd like to see you by yourself. Like, yes, we're going to come up with a plan about teen like, what we're going to do. We're putting into action strategize like I'm on board, man, like, let's go right? Not at all what happened? So she gets me alone. And I don't think it was the first time she sent me alone was the second time. And last. And so if I get married, she goes, so Heather. Here, I'm like, Alright, we've got the strategy, right? We're coming up with the How To Fix gene plan. And hey, how they're like what she's like, so do you think you might be an alcoholic?
No, I have a consumption problem. I can't even if it literally is what came out of my mouth.
I have a consumption problem. I mean, I'm laughing now. But if, if I could learn how to control my drinking, like I can control eating ice cream, I'll be just fine. Wow. And I never saw her again. There was no exit plan for Jean. I got called an alcohol and like, this woman is off her rocker. I'm never going back. And so oh my gosh. So I go back and like, alright, regroup, how also we're going to fix gene, right? And because I'm not the one with the problem. And I'm like, church, community, that's what we need. We need community. And the one made, like wonderful experience I did have as a kid, my grandparents took me to church. When I was a little kid. I remember just always feeling at home there. It was just a really fun and just a really good memory of my childhood. And so I reached out to my dad, and I said, Hey, what kind of church was it that we went to when I was a kid? He said, nondenominational. So I started Googling. And so I started Googling non denominational churches and found Well, I found another church. And every time we try and go, something happened that Sunday, in that church is now actually close if God knew what He is doing. So we found the church that is now the church we're in now. And I'm looking at the it's actually like kind of a choose your own adventure. Those of you are old enough to know what that is. It was like the old people service and then the young people service with the dude tattoos and jeans. I'm like, Yes, those are my people. We're going to go in, we can be normal wear normal clothes, not have to dress up. And so the best part about it, it was at 11:15am. I found the latest service in southwest Florida, so I could drink Saturday night, wake up, it gets church on time. I kid you not that was part of the equation. But yes, I can do that. And at the time, we still had instructor Saturday was a key night in our and what it was that we did for a living so but anyway, so 1115 like, Okay, we got this. So we finally go there. And we're getting involved gene gets almost immediately voluntold to be on the worship team. He started his journey in music. And so Oh, you can play? Yes. Okay. And so he's up on now we're going early, I think we're there at 930. And then I'm helping cook cookies or something in the morning as the greeter and then I get voluntold onto the board. And then I signed us up, like if we're going to do church, we're going to do this, right. And so I sign us up for, you know, basically a life group, so to speak. And it's on a Monday night and this is even funnier. So like my fix it gene plan, like we're going to get him involved in an embrace group. And so we go, he was so mad at me. He's like, Are you kidding me? We already go on Sundays. What are we doing going to church any other day of the week. And now he's a pastor. God has a wonderful sense of humor. I literally, I he got a magic wand. You sign us up for that. Like, if we're going to do it, we're going to do it right. And wow. So just be careful what you just thrown that out there. So because you're still running the business. So it was really funny. But God did what he was doing with both of us. And so we joined that in in that group. And that was really a turning point. I found two women in there who shared their story about being sober. And they one was seven years and other one was 20, something I didn't even know. And they were smiling and happy. And I'm like, first of all, you don't say that out loud. You don't And second of all, you don't say that out loud. And third of all, you're not happy about not drinking, like it blew my mind that they were just openly sober. Like, what's the matter with you like, it just it didn't compute at the time. But eventually, I knew exactly who to go to when I could not control my drinking anymore. And I knew exactly who to go to and talk to. And those women helped save my life. They introduced me to meetings, and were so patient with me because I didn't get it right away, it took some time before I finally surrendered. And so we are in church, and I'm still trying to get the sober thing. I'm going to meetings, I've got my coin and my Bible, I'm like, Okay, guys, so you can get off my rear end, doing this, like, leave me alone type of thing. And it just, I just kept falling back into my old ways. And eventually, there was a day in which I did not pass. And like I said, in Florida, they selling alcohol everywhere, there was not a place that sold alcohol on my way home that he didn't pick it up. And I remember getting home that day. And just everyone was done with me, I had the gene and I talk all the time, and he's my best friend. And when he doesn't talk to him, like, I did it again, and finally tried to go to bed that night, and was just laying there trying to figure out, Okay, now what, like I can't pick up the phone and call my pastor, he's done. My sponsors done. Everyone in my family is done. If I call anyone I know, they're not picking up like they're at their wit's end. And so I finally made the call that I should have made in the first place. And I got on the floor of a fake hardwood floor or whatever it's made out of, and just finally put my face on the floor and asked God to help me. And it was at that final moment where I just said, I just can't do this on my own anymore. Just take this from me, this was a final desperation plea. And at that moment, it was it's like that second baptism, the spiritual and God took the compulsion to drink away from me at that moment, and that was the April 30 10 years ago, that I finally just asked God to just remove this compulsion, because I was just done. And that miracle is just beyond measure. The best thing that ever happened to me and thank you and the clapping for God, I had nothing to do with I just all I did was finally surrender. God was the one that that performed that miracle. And I'm redeemed when we sing that and thank you to my daughter for rearranging the entire worship rotation for the song to come on. Why that song is so near and dear to me is I was not baptized as a kid again, I wasn't raised in church. And when I first came to church, it was that final decision I can make attorney my life over to God and getting baptized and like I was something special like, hey, Pastor, do you think I should get baptized or not? Like no, no, how they're, you're good. You don't have to get baptized. You can just get a straight one way ticket to heaven. And you don't have to do any of the covenant and devoting yourself to Christ just you're good. Okay, so he, you know, let me decide. And finally, I get in the car and at Sirius XM, and I didn't realize I had the Christian station programmed in my car on number three, too, which was even funnier. And so I get in my car, and I'm praying to God, should I get baptized and the minute I turn my car on, redeemed star starts the very first note driving down the road crying like I should have pulled over. I'm just like, okay, and then the next song, the DJ comes on and says, You know what, we don't normally play secular bands. But this band is very special. It came out with a song. Rascal Flatts changed. And the first line of the song is I came up out of the water, raise my hands up to the Father. I was like, That's it. I'm getting baptized. I hear you got like Transformers talking me through the radios, like horrors. Whatever works. God can use anything or anyone to speak to you. And but I got baptized twice. It took a couple washings before I finally got him on point. I was like, maybe I'll just do this every Christmas Eve just a renewal, you know, people wants but that journey, it's just I'm so grateful for the people around me who were patient with me. And for bringing me to where I am now. And why I bring up baptism and where I'm at now is okay. You're 10 years in. Like, I look back, I'm like, Okay, how did I get here? You know, you kind of you're forced to look back on your journey and especially when I have to share it with everyone. And it's a day by day type of thing, just like with any relationship, it's work. And at least in recovery, we're given steps, we were given kind of like instructions, which we need because we're a little fried. When we walk in, we're not all there when we walk in. And, and looking and being a part of church, as long as I have, especially in a leadership role. It's just very interesting to see you, when you start your journey and you decide to put down or start a new from who you used to be. You kind of go now, now what, like, where do I? Where do I even begin? And as Christians, and you know what, for my journey in sobriety, it's, it's a day by day process. And in the 12 step program, most people don't realize that it's based on the Bible, Sermon on the Mount, the book of James in First Corinthians 13. And so he has literally step by step taking piece of the Bible, and integrated it into a recovery program. And as Christians, I just, I see so many people who get baptized and then just kind of feel lost, and then you YouTube too much. And then you ask any 100,000 questions. But in there, and this is why it's so I feel so passionate to let people know how important it is, not only to when you start your journey is to get involved with people around you find that accountability, find people around you let people in. Because I was I was drowning, I was completely drowning. And I had the serious symptoms of I've got it like I was self sufficiency to an insane level where I was taking care of myself, mostly from 14 years old on and I was the I got a person. And those of you who know me, I have a very hard time asking for help. That word is still being forced into my vocabulary. Some people will stop me say, Heather, do you need help? I'm like, No, I got Yes, you can help.
I'm working on it. But when you come into Christianity and orange recovery, it's so important. To start small, start with something that is tangible, and work at it a little bit every single day. For me in recovery, it was a retail job, we went from owning our own business, I can make my own schedule to wow, I'm working in a retail store with high schoolers, and selling handbags to women who I used to socialize with. And but that's what I needed to do to learn how to take a construction show up on time and start building a new life in recovery. And same thing when you come into Christianity is choosing something small, because like I said, we all have some kind of sin. And whatever it is, that was the old you when you become that new you and you let Jesus Christ in, and that heart transplant has finally happened and it's a flush instead of stone. It's overwhelming. And it's really important to just find something small, working at it little bit at a time making friends, letting people in finding accountability partners, finding people who you can let your guard down to, to let in one day at a time to building who you are getting involved. That was so important. And those people even when we baptize people, we let them know, let us know when something's going on. Because you're not supposed to do it alone. The church body is here for us to do life. Together, we're here to help one another, lift up each other's burdens, because what you're going through is so much lighter for us. And there's no accident and anyone that's in this room, usually someone will say I need this and then someone just donated it, it just it literally, when you're connected as a church body, the miracles that start happening are truly amazing. And one thing that I find even more just miraculous is once you let those people in how much easier life starts going when you start opening up your heart and or helping others. And so for me, where some people in Christianity don't understand the rooms of recovery, we have our certain steps, but it being based on the Bible, I wanted to share with you kind of just a basic overview of what that looks like for us. And if it helps you understand where you can start moving forward. It's all on the Bible, which is so amazing for me because it's two sides of the same coin. And we have steps one through three and the first three are so important and the fact that we admit that we have a problem, that it's made our lives unmanageable. We can't do it alone. We as essential, especially as a church body that we that fellowship is what keeps you from being isolated that keeps enemy from keeping you in the version of who you used to be. Then restoring us to sanity and when I talk about that for me, I feel like I know I'm crazy like I got Apart down, I lived on that. But insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. And I realized my self sufficiency at that time was what was making me insane. And I had let God remove that from me. And the third part, step three is turning our lives in will over the care of God. Let go and let God in those three parts, like once you get those three magical pieces together, the we realizing what your problem is, and that God is the one that's going to help you with it with the people around you. Your life really starts changing. And then fourth or sixth. Those are fun. So or you take an inventory of everything you've ever done wrong, and all the people that you don't like or have a problem with. Then someone who goes and says, Hey, you're going to turn it around, and figure out why it was you that caused that problem. So you're like, yeah, that person, that person, and then somebody goes, where was your part in this. And so then we get to five, and we confess our sins to God into another person. And that's in the book of James and just being laying out. What you did before you were the new you, just frees you from those shackles of that shame, that guilt and remorse in a trusted person. And, and God go, okay, that's what I did. I'm not that person anymore. And then six is talking about your character defects and kind of looking at your shortcomings. seven through nine is cleaning everything up, asking God to remove them, making a list of people, you have to ask for forgiveness, and the nine is actually doing it. So talk about humbling to go back and look at all of the wreckage that you caused in your life. And there are times where the person is not there anymore, or for whatever reason, it's not healthy for you, or that other person for you to engage. But it's the willingness to know that you're going to or can make that apology. And there's a living amends that goes with that. And a lot of that, at least for me, in my journey, no more apologies would have worked, I had to just show that I was actually living along the new lines of what I was doing in my life. And day by day, I was able to build the trust of the people around me by doing so. And then 10 through 12. Taking your daily inventory, not other people. No, no, I'd love to take the inventory, the person that cut me off in traffic, you know, the person that said something nasty to me, but every single time like you're supposed to take a daily inventory. Where did I go wrong? Who Did I upset? What was my role? And how can I do better. And then 11 is keeping that daily prayer with God and 12 discipleship, going out and helping other people come along the way. And so that for me, like when I first came to the program, like you're going to alcoholic, and you're an alcoholic, like everyone needed this program, and I'm like, get to the Bible. It's already there. So again, my ego got the best of me, and I thought I had all the answers, I definitely do not. But I do encourage everyone, whatever your path is on not everyone is an addict like I am. But everyone can benefit from being part of a church body, letting their guard down, letting go of the expectations of what you think a Christian should look like. And what you should be. God is the only person who could tell you who you should be those expectations of, maybe I need a Jesus fish on my car, and I should only listen to Christian radio or whatever. And you're YouTubing. And you're getting, it's very exciting, but it's also very overwhelming. And so one thing that I've found so beautiful and different about this church, for myself, is everyone accepted me for who I am now. And forgiving me for who I was before and helping me find the new me in Christ, and letting God lead that way. And there are so many times where I've talked to other people, and I've literally lived their life ahead of time and helping other people like give them a map of landmines, you know, and say, Hey, there's one there, there's, you know, you can avoid that. And unfortunately, we find sometimes we've, you know, you waste flags that people saying, Hey, you're going to drive over a cliff and somebody's like, huh, the bridge is going to just magically appear, and they just drive over the cliff and up at the end of the ravine and go, What happens we're like, kind of told you that you're headed that direction. And in a church family, what's so amazing is when you let people in, if more than one person is telling you something, you probably want to listen.
Because for me when I didn't, I had to clean up so much more. And I ended up running into a problem. And I don't like hearing I told you so I do. I do not like being wrong. I do not it hurts. So I can avoid it. Wisdom is learning from other people's mistakes. And so when you're part of the church, family and or any kind of fellowship, but especially church, when everyone's of one mind and interconnected when I Sit up my most recent job I have now I asked people in this church to go be my reference call research, check this out for me, is this something I want? Because I want it or is this something that's actually good for me. And when you let other people in to pray and kind of really affirm that that's the journey you're supposed to be on, you can walk in so much more confidence and peace, having people catch your blind spots that, for me is so important. Because in life, it's so loud out there so incredibly loud. And when you jump, or are drafted from enemies team, and you've been drafted into the team, Jesus Christ, JC doesn't even care if you were benchwarmer on the other team. But when you hop teams, oh, man, they're going to be sending everything out your way, the we made more money over here is the parties are better. The cheerleaders are prettier, like no, like this is where you belong or like, but that team unfortunately, leads to your life ending here, a death here and your soul. And for me in recovery, it was literally life and death physically, and spiritually. And so there was so much more of an urgency in where Christianity, that if your sin is not necessarily physical life and death, it can be a little bit harder, it doesn't have the same level of urgency, but it's just as powerful and important to be in those lines of moving forward on that team. And like I said, that enemy, man, we had a wedding this week, we did so many things. He is crafty, like he'll just find a button to press to just go Hey, didn't you like who you were over here so much better, with so much more fun, you don't need any of that stuff. And that's why we have our church families to help us build that defense mechanisms realize that we're all on a new path together. And it's so much more fun. I've my credibility partner, we work out just about every single morning. And if we don't, we're like, Okay, this is why I'm not coming. I or we, we call it Confessions of a treadmill, where I'm like, Okay, I had too many cookies yesterday. But we were doing life together. And sometimes we talk about really serious stuff, we can laugh about it. And it makes life so much more enjoyable to do together. Because when you're alone, the thoughts and isolation your mind, just are, can be so damaging to hold you back into who you used to be instead of the new you. And so we work on progress, not perfection. So even if you stumble, if you're moving forward, I'm going to take a step. My, when I talk to people, or even when I'm trying to just keep myself calm is that as long as you're not moving backwards, even if you're staying still, you are progressing, and keeping an eye on who you used to be, and not attaching yourself to that old person and truly grieving them and letting them go. And letting God and the people around you support you in that new direction forward. And living a life in purpose with Jesus Christ, and your church family is a miracle beyond anything you can possibly imagine. And so it's progress. It's not perfection, perfection, like control, they're illusions, they're words that we should just understand the meaning of but when you try and chase them, it just it makes you crazy. And so when we, I joke about cleaning up the wreckage of my past, those of you who know me, I'm generally very organized person, I like things where they belong. But I can turn anything into an addiction. And if I am in Staples more than I'm in my office had to put the paper clips down and get back to work, you already have the color you don't even use the ones that you have just go back to work. And so I had my defense mechanism, my insurance policies around me. And so in the process of working on everything every day, it took me literally 10 years till I finally cleaned out my garage, and my closet. I literally was not ready to face the skeletons in my closet. So and some people cleaning my garage that's fun. Not in southwest Florida in July Don't ever do that you might pass out. There's a tiny window where you can do that. But for me it was having enough strength and spiritual fortitude to be able to look at the old version of myself without the shame and guilt and remorse and look at who that person was that led me to where I am now. Because it was a historical archeological dig and literal physical dirt and spiritual dirt of my past and cleaning it out. And what I want to encourage everyone with here especially is that not trying to do everything at once. It's okay to start small. It's okay to just move one tiny step forward each day. But together because that's what makes a difference in this world is not doing it alone and freeing yourself from the shackles and the shame and guilt and remorse. And that important when I talked about that amends is that forgive Goodness of other people, and of yourself, because God forgave you for everything that you did, who are we, to not forgive ourselves? First of all, we're not God, I'm not God, I resigned from that job I tried, it didn't work I sent in my resignation, God, it's all yours. And forgiving myself because God forgave me. And for all the people around me, I didn't get the lotto ticket of childhood, but the parents did the best they could with what they had dealt to them. And to be able to put myself inside of other people's shoes and look at life through what they went through. And say, If God can forgive me, then I need to forgive them of that. And so we've in Matthew 1821, through 22, it says, Then Peter came to him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me, and he says seven times. Now, not seven times, Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. I'm a math person and let them do for you. And so basically, always, and then Matthew 614, and 15, who is end of the Lord's Prayer, if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, Your Father will not forgive your sins. And we joke this is actually like the scripture of the church. Funny enough, the use of this will never go on a coffee mug until someone put it on a coffee mug and gave it to Jean. But it is a really important thing, because that forgiveness, that pit that it's really just an anchor that holds you to who you are. So you can't move forward. And being able to forgive yourself and others is what really allows you to move forward and focusing on your direction where you're supposed to go where God wants you to be, not where you want to be. And allowing that will have him inside of you in order to do that. And forgiveness of others are sometimes way easier than for yourself. But when you finally forgive someone like said that pit, there is amazing. And I can hear a name of somebody that used to just we've even our old business people who were competitors, to be able to go, whatever, like, you just feel so much lighter, being able to move through life without being weighed down by just anger and fear. Because God's got it. He knows where they're going, it's not our job, he's going to judge him at the end of the day, I just I got to focus on myself and where God wants me to be. And I already have enough of my own mess that I had to clean up. I don't need to add more to it nor clean someone else's up, although sometimes it's a little more fun. But letting go of that shame is just so freeing, and that's why that song redeemed when I look I mean, think it is waterproof makeup. Because it just it literally changes the way that you do life together. And when we talk about moving forward, usually we say how and so we have an acronym for that unfold bumper sticker sayings, half of what I say have just regurgitated from the rooms that I've given to you. And when we talk about how, how am I going to do this? How am I going to get and stay sober? How am I going to move away from my sin? First of all honesty, your openness and willingness, with those three things together, really laying that out. And then having the openness and willingness to let someone in, and then help others is what really helps you move through this new journey in Christ that it literally like. There are words that there are no words to describe, being gifted that miracle of surrendering to God and going and hearing me going, okay. I'll take it. I'm not done with you yet. Because we weren't he was not the lead pastor yet. It was a long journey moving forward for us later on. But
what I thought was going to be a stain ended up being the most miraculous thing that ever happened to me because I have met so many wonderful people, and have been able to do so many things, from something that I thought was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. And when we're all on our journey together, working on ourselves and our relationship with God, it's just such an amazing journey to be on. And as a church, having that accountability, our church family trusting and talking to one another. If you're passing through, enjoy Naples, Florida while you're here. But if you're here, you our family, we are feeding you like family. We have lunch every Sunday. But most importantly, this is what really changed it for me because I had my idea of what a Christian look like growing up and I was like, if that's the question, I'm good, I'm just, you can keep that over there. But this environment we truly love you. We do not care what you did before. We are here to help you become the new you that God has made you because we all have our paths. No one gets through life unscathed. Like it just it's the world but God gave us a church and one another. You have your relationships you have your spiritual relationship and then your relationship with the other people around you. And those two together will truly make the difference in in this world together and finding one another. And so one thing I always make sure that everyone here is that if no one told you today that Jesus loves you, He truly loves you. That got me when I first came to church the first time and I heard that and I was like, I'm, I'm not worthy of that kind of love. Like, my self worth was so low. I couldn't love myself, how in the world could God love me from this wretched person that I am inside? If you really knew who I was, he would not love me. And I was like, no, no, I love you, love you for who you are, I'm going to take every little piece of that broken person and make it new in me, and that love that I finally accepted. I've learned how to take care of myself, how to build boundaries, I'm rebuilding relationships with my dad after decades, he's starting a new and to see once you start living along this line, and the people that I'm working with, and just being there is truly amazing. But it starts with letting him in letting Jesus in letting him transform you. And then letting us in as your family who also love you unconditionally. You can literally there's nothing you can say that I haven't done heard or said in my life. Like we just trust us, we got you and or God has put someone else there that's been ahead of it for you. That's how he works. And so what I want to encourage everyone with first of all is just accept the love. I'm more saying that to myself than new else, but accept the love of others, the love of Christ, the love of who you are now and let Him lead you do not have to drown whatever your sin is. It's okay, we've all been there. We're going to help you move through it. become the new you. And let us get you out of that water. Stop drowning and let us help you live a new life beyond any measure you could possibly imagine. together. So I love you. We love you. I hope you enjoy the wonderful pizza you're about to try after service today. And I'm truly thankful to everyone in this room and in my life who has gotten me to 10 years, a whole decade of the new meet. So thank you and I love you
Good morning. All right. So I heard a story. perfect substitute that there was a pastor out there who loved pizza so much that he decided to make his wife preach for him so he can make pizza for the whole church. So I have decided or been substituted. There's a bigger reason. Jean, as you very well know loves his pizza and is cooking food for all of you upstairs, we brought all of the supplies from our backyard, and he has been diligently working all week to cook you fresh pizza this morning. So pizza forgot for breakfast only at C3. So anyway, those of you who don't know me, obviously, I'm a pastor's wife. My name is Heather. And I'm here to not only give Jean the day off, but it is a very special anniversary for me at this time that I get to share with you on an annual basis. And this is a 10 year marker, which is enormous. Thank you have my sober anniversary. And so I'm going to be going through real church, real people and what your pastor's wife, real life looks like. Because we're here to do life together. And if I can't tell you how I got through life, how in the world can you come to me and or us and live with each other if we can't share those with one another. So I'm taking the mask off. I've done it before. But after 10 years, I'm still really nervous. It's really weird. But I do have the uniform down, we've got the collared shirt, the shoes, wait, I moved. Normally, I'm an animatronic. I like only move from the waist up. So I'm trying to just allow God's speak through me this morning and just really get to the heart of not only my journey with Christ, but my journey in sobriety, which are two sides of the same coin for me. And I know what there's no one in this world that doesn't have something that they're dealing with. And if I can help anyone get closer to Christ today and further away from whatever that is holding you back and letting it go, I'll be really, I mean, God will just smile even more than he already does by having us all together this morning. So all right, so I got to start at the beginning. We way back in the day. No, I'm kidding. So, my childhood I was actually born and raised in California. And I'll tell you how I eventually ended up in southwest Florida. I've done the trifecta of the United States. And it's quite a journey. So I was born and raised in California. My parents were teenagers when they had me. They did try to get married. That did not work because they were teenagers. They did the best that they could with what they had and proceeded to move around an awful lot. And my dad ended up taking care of me and remarrying my stepmother, where that would eventually turn into more of a Cinderella story. Just to keep things in a nice little nutshell. And before I forget, in my journey, my sobriety date, also celebrates jeans come to Jesus moment, which I didn't realize until I was further along in my sobriety, I was writing down the date, he had a mini those of you have heard his story of mini Tia. And I was in one of my meetings and I was writing everything down. And I realized that it was one year from when he had his come to Jesus moment that I got sober. So he really only he could make any anniversary lineup like that. It's April 30. So it's not today, it's two days from now. But it's really only the miracle of God that would have something lined up like that. And I just remember going it's good thing he was along first because mine was a little bit harder. So a lot more to get to where I am today. So but anyway, back in California, I grew up and normal childhood in general stepmother, younger brothers. And by the time I hit my teen years, I was full of depression. Couldn't really control anything in my life. That's always an illusion anyway. But for me, the first drug of choice that I had, we didn't really have a lot of substance around but everything was very controlling. And so my first drug of choice was food. And because there wasn't I wasn't allowed to party. I was a goody two shoes, I had to get good grades, I really was not that kind of person. And so I was like, oh, what can I do that no one can tell me not to and that was literally eat as much food as I could because it would release those Serotonins. And so as I walked in my journey, the one thing and obviously the Bible covers it in depth. It's the same route, different branch. When you look at the sins of the flesh, just cherry pick one it's really I can switch from one to the other. But for me, the first one that I had access to in my addiction was food and so I hit that hit the ground running and I started that unfortunate first road of addiction in my teen years, which led to a lot of again, depression, suicidal thoughts, trying to figure out how I was going to get out of the circumstance of the childhood and everything that I was living in. And one of the ways for me to do that was to get good grades and to gets college that was my ticket out. And one thing that kept me from really saying goodbye to everybody is certain teachers that I had, and knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and there was God inside of me who I, we didn't grow up in church, I was not brought up believing in Christ. And so thank God for that gut and my feeling in my gut, saying, Just wait a little longer. And so I did have my first amazing experience with the Holy Spirit. When I was 14. In California, those of you who understand the landscape of California, I grew up in San Jose, I ended up joining a youth group with one of my friends in high school and we went to Lake Tahoe for youth group trip, which is awesome, like, sorry, we're not doing that guys. Maybe Disney World will do together as a church, but we don't do youth group trips. But I was fortunate enough to go. And so Lake Tahoe and I saw snow for the first time at 14 years old. That's what happens to a Cali girl. You're not really introduced to snow very often. So, lesson learned, you don't wear knit gloves and throw snowballs at the same time. No one gave me that my mom my stepmother grew up in New York like she should have sent me prepare for SNAP. But now it's alright. I learned the hard way. It's usually how it works in life. I got you know, got hit Get hit by that Shepherd stick before I finally listen. So we're in Lake Tahoe riding it's good trip. And we're in you know, normal prayer group at night. And I just remember sitting there just we're in prayer. And it was the first time I ever felt the Holy Spirit just enveloped me, is the best way that I could describe it. And I had a piece of eye just around me that I had never felt before in my childhood or in my life. And it was just, it was life changing. It's just like one of those moments in time that is frozen. And I remember I was wearing I just the room, I could just put myself right back in there. And so, so excited to come back home. I got my pigtails and you know, the 90s gear, the flannel, the jeans the whole thing, right? Come back to my stepmother of like I found Jesus. No, no, no, no, you are not going to kumbaya Jesus Bible thump in this house. And I wasn't allowed to go back to church. I'm like, why would you keep a 14 year old girl church like I found Christ like, anyway, so that was not my point at which I was going to start my church journey. God had other plans, which is fine. But it planted a seed in me that I am forever grateful for and all those people in my lives where God just kind of put little speed bumps in the way to just kind of know that he was there even if I didn't know that he was there the whole time. So fast forward. My stepmother was born and raised in New York, she moved to California. And so by the time I was a senior in high school, we got invited to go to family members wedding and so we flew I flew for the first time at 17. Again, no snow till 14 no plane until so deprived as a child. So we finally flew for the first time or I did to New York in October, which How do you not fall in love with New York and the leaves change? It's just, I mean, California is pretty brown most of the year. So when you see orange in real life on leaves, I didn't know that existed in real life. I thought it was just in the movies. And so I fell in love with the place and we decided we're going to pick up and move to New York. And so I kind of had a nice crossroads, I got into a bunch of colleges in California and in New York. And it was like That's time I guess I was praying I didn't realize I'm like, should I wish I could have definitely stayed Hey, it was a great ticket away from my parents but California 1998 s now you know, hold on, which I don't care. But I could have stayed there but the economy and knowing how much I would have to struggle at the time I wanted to be a school teacher. And that's just really not a place to make any money and be able to live on your own in that profession. So I'm like alright, fine, I'll move to New York and again that gut feeling told me I think you're going to meet the man of your dreams in New York you might want to head over there and in New York just felt like home like I knew I needed to be there and so he picked up pack the house to you know, u haul truck, a an SUV, two younger brothers and two dogs all the way across country and that was before MapQuest. I mean we had to do it like the real way like I had the map I was the navigator my parents had a lot of trust in me. So I do the scale like let them know how long I mean we Motel Six did all the way across so I'll let you know which ones just don't go to any just leave them alone just save your money and stay somewhere else. The lights always on but you don't always want to go inside. So
actually checked in and checked out on one of them. Never mind so anyway, so I got to be the navigator and we moved cross country which was quite An adventure. And then we moved in and I started college. Here, I'm 17 years old and land in college and about three weeks and I'm still living at home. And it's just not working. I didn't have a driver's license, I didn't have a car and the family life, I thought, if we moved here, things would be better. I'm in college. I'm a grown up now, like respect me, that did not happen. So I go, Alright, I'm moving into the dorm. So I picked up what I had left, I had few crates of items that belong to me a few 100 bucks in my bank account, and I moved into the college dorms. And from that point on, I was literally on my own. Getting every job I could even if I didn't know how to do it. I was like, figure it out. Yeah, sure, I can do that. One of them the best one with this hilarious. I got a job in the computer lab. And now everyone knows I'm friends with printers, like gene will look at a printer, it'll explode. I had that first semester, pass it on to him. I worked in the computer lab. Every time I changed the paper, the thing would break away. I don't know. It. But it was it was survival. It was wherever I could get a job fine. I'm on my own. And I just knew that that was my ticket out. And again, that feeling of having God inside of me. I did a lot of prayer in I used to always just find a spot. And on the Hudson River again, if any of you have been in that area, it's just, there's some spots where you just know that you can just converse with God. And for me, it was just, I found my spot. I knew how to just find peace. When I mean I'm truly on my own. My parents kept moving, and I just have to figure it out. And so that was always an amazing experience having that inside of me. And so I start college and a few weeks in, I meet who would become my future sister in law. And she goes, Hey, Mommy, my brother. Sure. He's cute. All right. But it took a little longer to till the next year until we started dating, we had to go through some of our own experiences in life before we finally lined up. And so it has been 25 years that we've been together and 22 years married almost got it wrong. When I was practicing my message. I'm like, I'm the woman, I should know this. I'm a math person. But when you're nervous numbers come out the wrong way. But anyway, so 25 years together. So over half my life if you guys could do the math on Jean. His whole life No kidding. He's awfully bad. And so we started our journey together and him as well as myself. We both ended up out on our own as teenagers. And so we were just these driven, angry, fearful teenagers off to set the world on fire and prove every one wrong. We're like, you know what you said this, you said that? I'm going to do the opposite. I'm going to show you that I got this. And so we built a gym, a martial arts gym, I got my degree I started teaching. I taught seventh grade social studies. And now you people used to ask, do you ever want to go back to teaching them like I did my time. I did my 10 years, I'm good. But I enjoyed it at the time. But it just it wasn't necessarily for me. I woke up one day and realized I was living someone else's dream and not my own. And so although I had my master's degree, I ended up diving into our business full time. And that's what eventually led us down here. But in this journey, I did not pick up a drink until I was in college the first time of course, you go to college, go to a party, and I drink for the first time. And initially, it was just normal college behavior. And you know, you're just doing whatever it wants to doing, it seems normal, then you leave college and the behavior keeps getting worse and you're not in college anymore, it starts to get a little weird and a little it can be dangerous, and it can be you know, hurtful to the people around you. And but in our line of work and what we did, I was enabled by my environment. And no matter how much I drank, we became successful, like, it's almost like the more I dove into my addiction, the more successful we were. And it just, it didn't catch on necessarily that that was really a problem. And it didn't understand alcoholism, it's in my family. But no one ever explained to me that it was a disease and it was something that needed to be taken care of. And so I'm just an addict. So I'd be a workaholic, a workout a Holic a, you know, food or whatever it was that I could get my hands on, I would be addicted to. And so we got to a point where I finally stopped drinking too. We were trying to have our daughter, and I put the drink down for about four years. And I was like, I got this I got this down for four years. I can handle it. And so I remember having like this whole situation of promising like, hey, it's been four years, I can control this total illusion. And it did not did not work that way. And after four years not realizing that again, it's a disease and it is a progressive disease that when you put it down, it's still moves forward, whether or not you're picking it up. And so I had really hard postpartum depression and I was what we call dry drunk. And it was a very tumultuous time and so I ended up picking back up the drink and I'm out To the races again. And the only time I ever put it down is whatever place it was something else, whether it was work or working out or competition, a fitness competition. And so I tricked my mind into thinking, again, I can control if I can stop it for two months, and control it. So it didn't feel like I had a problem. And, again, I kept building this gilded cage, I felt insecure, not good enough, building my resume with every title I could to prove everyone wrong behind me that I was not what they thought that I was. And I would just hit one goal after another and just race through life. And I remember my mom saying, like, you should stop and smell the roses. I'm like, what roses. Like you take on like, I'm on to the next one. And, and I still move very quickly, I'm sure I'm speaking very quickly, I am trying to slow down in life it is. So I moved to Florida. It has slowed me down, believe it or not. But you know, moving through everything so quickly, and not taking the time to enjoy where I was and how far we had actually both come in our lives. And so again, here, I'm building this gilded cage. And if I can put enough out there that I've got my stuff together, you won't see me for who I am. And so it was very lonely. I could keep everyone at an arm's distance. And again, the environment we were in we own an MMA gym. We had a Rolodex of like cards. So if I got pulled over, I was like, sir, like you who are you? Just I don't need 10 calls like just don't do it again. It's kind of the way that was which it was the best and worst thing that happened to me because it ended up putting me right where I needed to be at the end of my road to finally asking for help. But so we're building this empire, proving everyone wrong and full boy, we did it man like we really became something in the industry that we were in and we were off to build an empire. And so we had tons of school to schools in New York, tons of students, I left my teaching job, and we come down to Florida to vacation, we were vacationing, his parents had a condo down here and so we will leave stuff behind. We're going to go to the beach. And so we come down here quite often and eventually, at the time, we're like maybe I'll open another school down here, some of our instructors lived here and we were off to build our empire and so we opened a third school sold part of our business up north and proceeded to move down to Florida. And this is the pizza full circle moment right? So we are down here looking for a place to open up the gym and possibly live. And again, I had that feeling in my gut and like do you really think we need to move to Naples like this is this is our new home like the same way I felt when I moved to New York is the same way I felt about Naples and jingo, literally cries where am I couldn't get my pizza.
I'm sure it will be okay. There are plenty other places to get kids you. I mean, you know him well enough now, but that was a legitimate moment.
So obviously, he solved his own problem. 12 years later, it's like I'm going to make my own no one can do it as good as New York. So now it's a whole you guys will experience afterwards so you can judge for yourself. So we packed up we moved we went back to Florida or back to New York packed up our stuff and drove down and really didn't look back we you know, the gym eventually kind of fell apart. But once we moved down here is when God really started working on me and I, we got in, I got rear ended a month into living down here. We were in the midst of building our third location, I did the women's program, the kids program, like my whole life was being a part of this gym. And it was at the time my identity. I was like I can make money doing it. I can beat people up. I know my mother joke is on called the Imam escalator. And so since I was two I used to be my cousin's up who are boys and I you know, it's just I'm sorry, if I come across intimidating. I'm just wired that way. I don't mean it. I don't hate you. I'm just it's my defense mechanism. So some people go, Heather seems really mean. And then like, go, she's awesome. It's just, it's just how I'm wired. I'm sorry, eventually, I'll let my guard down. But in time, so. But anyway, so through all that, I got rear ended and God literally at that moment, took everything away from me, that three page resume, every title that I was so just bent on achieving was just taken. It was just me, and I had never had to sit and look at me. For the first time. I was like, Wow. I mean, I really didn't know what to do so and that was my mechanism of just dealing with the pain from the accident and I didn't realize that I was an alcoholic at the time and so in in Florida, it is very easy to get alcohol in New York. You had to work for it here. It's at 711. CVS like there is I mean, there is eventually going to be street vendors on the corner just selling wine bottles like it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. And so it was the best and worst thing to happen because it just helped me finally spiral down to where I ended up. And so we moved down here, going through that. So we finally build, we find a house we move in. And it's suburbia like New York, we had no neighbors, you couldn't even have like, this whole Parkers are behind us. And now, we've got people ringing the doorbell knocking on the door, like, you know, Leave It to Beaver situation. And we're like, our neighbors are literally that you can touch the house right there like, Okay, this is very strange. And so Dean's are having a hard time acclimating to suburbia. Right? He's got a problem, I really need to help him, but just to our new lifestyle. And so I'm like, let me figure out how we go about helping gene with his problem. And so I'm therapy, right? So looking through, find some therapists finally set up an appointment, we're going to go together. So we go a couple times. And then she goes, Hey, Heather. Yes, I'd like to see you by yourself. Like, yes, we're going to come up with a plan about teen like, what we're going to do. We're putting into action strategize like I'm on board, man, like, let's go right? Not at all what happened? So she gets me alone. And I don't think it was the first time she sent me alone was the second time. And last. And so if I get married, she goes, so Heather. Here, I'm like, Alright, we've got the strategy, right? We're coming up with the How To Fix gene plan. And hey, how they're like what she's like, so do you think you might be an alcoholic?
No, I have a consumption problem. I can't even if it literally is what came out of my mouth.
I have a consumption problem. I mean, I'm laughing now. But if, if I could learn how to control my drinking, like I can control eating ice cream, I'll be just fine. Wow. And I never saw her again. There was no exit plan for Jean. I got called an alcohol and like, this woman is off her rocker. I'm never going back. And so oh my gosh. So I go back and like, alright, regroup, how also we're going to fix gene, right? And because I'm not the one with the problem. And I'm like, church, community, that's what we need. We need community. And the one made, like wonderful experience I did have as a kid, my grandparents took me to church. When I was a little kid. I remember just always feeling at home there. It was just a really fun and just a really good memory of my childhood. And so I reached out to my dad, and I said, Hey, what kind of church was it that we went to when I was a kid? He said, nondenominational. So I started Googling. And so I started Googling non denominational churches and found Well, I found another church. And every time we try and go, something happened that Sunday, in that church is now actually close if God knew what He is doing. So we found the church that is now the church we're in now. And I'm looking at the it's actually like kind of a choose your own adventure. Those of you are old enough to know what that is. It was like the old people service and then the young people service with the dude tattoos and jeans. I'm like, Yes, those are my people. We're going to go in, we can be normal wear normal clothes, not have to dress up. And so the best part about it, it was at 11:15am. I found the latest service in southwest Florida, so I could drink Saturday night, wake up, it gets church on time. I kid you not that was part of the equation. But yes, I can do that. And at the time, we still had instructor Saturday was a key night in our and what it was that we did for a living so but anyway, so 1115 like, Okay, we got this. So we finally go there. And we're getting involved gene gets almost immediately voluntold to be on the worship team. He started his journey in music. And so Oh, you can play? Yes. Okay. And so he's up on now we're going early, I think we're there at 930. And then I'm helping cook cookies or something in the morning as the greeter and then I get voluntold onto the board. And then I signed us up, like if we're going to do church, we're going to do this, right. And so I sign us up for, you know, basically a life group, so to speak. And it's on a Monday night and this is even funnier. So like my fix it gene plan, like we're going to get him involved in an embrace group. And so we go, he was so mad at me. He's like, Are you kidding me? We already go on Sundays. What are we doing going to church any other day of the week. And now he's a pastor. God has a wonderful sense of humor. I literally, I he got a magic wand. You sign us up for that. Like, if we're going to do it, we're going to do it right. And wow. So just be careful what you just thrown that out there. So because you're still running the business. So it was really funny. But God did what he was doing with both of us. And so we joined that in in that group. And that was really a turning point. I found two women in there who shared their story about being sober. And they one was seven years and other one was 20, something I didn't even know. And they were smiling and happy. And I'm like, first of all, you don't say that out loud. You don't And second of all, you don't say that out loud. And third of all, you're not happy about not drinking, like it blew my mind that they were just openly sober. Like, what's the matter with you like, it just it didn't compute at the time. But eventually, I knew exactly who to go to when I could not control my drinking anymore. And I knew exactly who to go to and talk to. And those women helped save my life. They introduced me to meetings, and were so patient with me because I didn't get it right away, it took some time before I finally surrendered. And so we are in church, and I'm still trying to get the sober thing. I'm going to meetings, I've got my coin and my Bible, I'm like, Okay, guys, so you can get off my rear end, doing this, like, leave me alone type of thing. And it just, I just kept falling back into my old ways. And eventually, there was a day in which I did not pass. And like I said, in Florida, they selling alcohol everywhere, there was not a place that sold alcohol on my way home that he didn't pick it up. And I remember getting home that day. And just everyone was done with me, I had the gene and I talk all the time, and he's my best friend. And when he doesn't talk to him, like, I did it again, and finally tried to go to bed that night, and was just laying there trying to figure out, Okay, now what, like I can't pick up the phone and call my pastor, he's done. My sponsors done. Everyone in my family is done. If I call anyone I know, they're not picking up like they're at their wit's end. And so I finally made the call that I should have made in the first place. And I got on the floor of a fake hardwood floor or whatever it's made out of, and just finally put my face on the floor and asked God to help me. And it was at that final moment where I just said, I just can't do this on my own anymore. Just take this from me, this was a final desperation plea. And at that moment, it was it's like that second baptism, the spiritual and God took the compulsion to drink away from me at that moment, and that was the April 30 10 years ago, that I finally just asked God to just remove this compulsion, because I was just done. And that miracle is just beyond measure. The best thing that ever happened to me and thank you and the clapping for God, I had nothing to do with I just all I did was finally surrender. God was the one that that performed that miracle. And I'm redeemed when we sing that and thank you to my daughter for rearranging the entire worship rotation for the song to come on. Why that song is so near and dear to me is I was not baptized as a kid again, I wasn't raised in church. And when I first came to church, it was that final decision I can make attorney my life over to God and getting baptized and like I was something special like, hey, Pastor, do you think I should get baptized or not? Like no, no, how they're, you're good. You don't have to get baptized. You can just get a straight one way ticket to heaven. And you don't have to do any of the covenant and devoting yourself to Christ just you're good. Okay, so he, you know, let me decide. And finally, I get in the car and at Sirius XM, and I didn't realize I had the Christian station programmed in my car on number three, too, which was even funnier. And so I get in my car, and I'm praying to God, should I get baptized and the minute I turn my car on, redeemed star starts the very first note driving down the road crying like I should have pulled over. I'm just like, okay, and then the next song, the DJ comes on and says, You know what, we don't normally play secular bands. But this band is very special. It came out with a song. Rascal Flatts changed. And the first line of the song is I came up out of the water, raise my hands up to the Father. I was like, That's it. I'm getting baptized. I hear you got like Transformers talking me through the radios, like horrors. Whatever works. God can use anything or anyone to speak to you. And but I got baptized twice. It took a couple washings before I finally got him on point. I was like, maybe I'll just do this every Christmas Eve just a renewal, you know, people wants but that journey, it's just I'm so grateful for the people around me who were patient with me. And for bringing me to where I am now. And why I bring up baptism and where I'm at now is okay. You're 10 years in. Like, I look back, I'm like, Okay, how did I get here? You know, you kind of you're forced to look back on your journey and especially when I have to share it with everyone. And it's a day by day type of thing, just like with any relationship, it's work. And at least in recovery, we're given steps, we were given kind of like instructions, which we need because we're a little fried. When we walk in, we're not all there when we walk in. And, and looking and being a part of church, as long as I have, especially in a leadership role. It's just very interesting to see you, when you start your journey and you decide to put down or start a new from who you used to be. You kind of go now, now what, like, where do I? Where do I even begin? And as Christians, and you know what, for my journey in sobriety, it's, it's a day by day process. And in the 12 step program, most people don't realize that it's based on the Bible, Sermon on the Mount, the book of James in First Corinthians 13. And so he has literally step by step taking piece of the Bible, and integrated it into a recovery program. And as Christians, I just, I see so many people who get baptized and then just kind of feel lost, and then you YouTube too much. And then you ask any 100,000 questions. But in there, and this is why it's so I feel so passionate to let people know how important it is, not only to when you start your journey is to get involved with people around you find that accountability, find people around you let people in. Because I was I was drowning, I was completely drowning. And I had the serious symptoms of I've got it like I was self sufficiency to an insane level where I was taking care of myself, mostly from 14 years old on and I was the I got a person. And those of you who know me, I have a very hard time asking for help. That word is still being forced into my vocabulary. Some people will stop me say, Heather, do you need help? I'm like, No, I got Yes, you can help.
I'm working on it. But when you come into Christianity and orange recovery, it's so important. To start small, start with something that is tangible, and work at it a little bit every single day. For me in recovery, it was a retail job, we went from owning our own business, I can make my own schedule to wow, I'm working in a retail store with high schoolers, and selling handbags to women who I used to socialize with. And but that's what I needed to do to learn how to take a construction show up on time and start building a new life in recovery. And same thing when you come into Christianity is choosing something small, because like I said, we all have some kind of sin. And whatever it is, that was the old you when you become that new you and you let Jesus Christ in, and that heart transplant has finally happened and it's a flush instead of stone. It's overwhelming. And it's really important to just find something small, working at it little bit at a time making friends, letting people in finding accountability partners, finding people who you can let your guard down to, to let in one day at a time to building who you are getting involved. That was so important. And those people even when we baptize people, we let them know, let us know when something's going on. Because you're not supposed to do it alone. The church body is here for us to do life. Together, we're here to help one another, lift up each other's burdens, because what you're going through is so much lighter for us. And there's no accident and anyone that's in this room, usually someone will say I need this and then someone just donated it, it just it literally, when you're connected as a church body, the miracles that start happening are truly amazing. And one thing that I find even more just miraculous is once you let those people in how much easier life starts going when you start opening up your heart and or helping others. And so for me, where some people in Christianity don't understand the rooms of recovery, we have our certain steps, but it being based on the Bible, I wanted to share with you kind of just a basic overview of what that looks like for us. And if it helps you understand where you can start moving forward. It's all on the Bible, which is so amazing for me because it's two sides of the same coin. And we have steps one through three and the first three are so important and the fact that we admit that we have a problem, that it's made our lives unmanageable. We can't do it alone. We as essential, especially as a church body that we that fellowship is what keeps you from being isolated that keeps enemy from keeping you in the version of who you used to be. Then restoring us to sanity and when I talk about that for me, I feel like I know I'm crazy like I got Apart down, I lived on that. But insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. And I realized my self sufficiency at that time was what was making me insane. And I had let God remove that from me. And the third part, step three is turning our lives in will over the care of God. Let go and let God in those three parts, like once you get those three magical pieces together, the we realizing what your problem is, and that God is the one that's going to help you with it with the people around you. Your life really starts changing. And then fourth or sixth. Those are fun. So or you take an inventory of everything you've ever done wrong, and all the people that you don't like or have a problem with. Then someone who goes and says, Hey, you're going to turn it around, and figure out why it was you that caused that problem. So you're like, yeah, that person, that person, and then somebody goes, where was your part in this. And so then we get to five, and we confess our sins to God into another person. And that's in the book of James and just being laying out. What you did before you were the new you, just frees you from those shackles of that shame, that guilt and remorse in a trusted person. And, and God go, okay, that's what I did. I'm not that person anymore. And then six is talking about your character defects and kind of looking at your shortcomings. seven through nine is cleaning everything up, asking God to remove them, making a list of people, you have to ask for forgiveness, and the nine is actually doing it. So talk about humbling to go back and look at all of the wreckage that you caused in your life. And there are times where the person is not there anymore, or for whatever reason, it's not healthy for you, or that other person for you to engage. But it's the willingness to know that you're going to or can make that apology. And there's a living amends that goes with that. And a lot of that, at least for me, in my journey, no more apologies would have worked, I had to just show that I was actually living along the new lines of what I was doing in my life. And day by day, I was able to build the trust of the people around me by doing so. And then 10 through 12. Taking your daily inventory, not other people. No, no, I'd love to take the inventory, the person that cut me off in traffic, you know, the person that said something nasty to me, but every single time like you're supposed to take a daily inventory. Where did I go wrong? Who Did I upset? What was my role? And how can I do better. And then 11 is keeping that daily prayer with God and 12 discipleship, going out and helping other people come along the way. And so that for me, like when I first came to the program, like you're going to alcoholic, and you're an alcoholic, like everyone needed this program, and I'm like, get to the Bible. It's already there. So again, my ego got the best of me, and I thought I had all the answers, I definitely do not. But I do encourage everyone, whatever your path is on not everyone is an addict like I am. But everyone can benefit from being part of a church body, letting their guard down, letting go of the expectations of what you think a Christian should look like. And what you should be. God is the only person who could tell you who you should be those expectations of, maybe I need a Jesus fish on my car, and I should only listen to Christian radio or whatever. And you're YouTubing. And you're getting, it's very exciting, but it's also very overwhelming. And so one thing that I've found so beautiful and different about this church, for myself, is everyone accepted me for who I am now. And forgiving me for who I was before and helping me find the new me in Christ, and letting God lead that way. And there are so many times where I've talked to other people, and I've literally lived their life ahead of time and helping other people like give them a map of landmines, you know, and say, Hey, there's one there, there's, you know, you can avoid that. And unfortunately, we find sometimes we've, you know, you waste flags that people saying, Hey, you're going to drive over a cliff and somebody's like, huh, the bridge is going to just magically appear, and they just drive over the cliff and up at the end of the ravine and go, What happens we're like, kind of told you that you're headed that direction. And in a church family, what's so amazing is when you let people in, if more than one person is telling you something, you probably want to listen.
Because for me when I didn't, I had to clean up so much more. And I ended up running into a problem. And I don't like hearing I told you so I do. I do not like being wrong. I do not it hurts. So I can avoid it. Wisdom is learning from other people's mistakes. And so when you're part of the church, family and or any kind of fellowship, but especially church, when everyone's of one mind and interconnected when I Sit up my most recent job I have now I asked people in this church to go be my reference call research, check this out for me, is this something I want? Because I want it or is this something that's actually good for me. And when you let other people in to pray and kind of really affirm that that's the journey you're supposed to be on, you can walk in so much more confidence and peace, having people catch your blind spots that, for me is so important. Because in life, it's so loud out there so incredibly loud. And when you jump, or are drafted from enemies team, and you've been drafted into the team, Jesus Christ, JC doesn't even care if you were benchwarmer on the other team. But when you hop teams, oh, man, they're going to be sending everything out your way, the we made more money over here is the parties are better. The cheerleaders are prettier, like no, like this is where you belong or like, but that team unfortunately, leads to your life ending here, a death here and your soul. And for me in recovery, it was literally life and death physically, and spiritually. And so there was so much more of an urgency in where Christianity, that if your sin is not necessarily physical life and death, it can be a little bit harder, it doesn't have the same level of urgency, but it's just as powerful and important to be in those lines of moving forward on that team. And like I said, that enemy, man, we had a wedding this week, we did so many things. He is crafty, like he'll just find a button to press to just go Hey, didn't you like who you were over here so much better, with so much more fun, you don't need any of that stuff. And that's why we have our church families to help us build that defense mechanisms realize that we're all on a new path together. And it's so much more fun. I've my credibility partner, we work out just about every single morning. And if we don't, we're like, Okay, this is why I'm not coming. I or we, we call it Confessions of a treadmill, where I'm like, Okay, I had too many cookies yesterday. But we were doing life together. And sometimes we talk about really serious stuff, we can laugh about it. And it makes life so much more enjoyable to do together. Because when you're alone, the thoughts and isolation your mind, just are, can be so damaging to hold you back into who you used to be instead of the new you. And so we work on progress, not perfection. So even if you stumble, if you're moving forward, I'm going to take a step. My, when I talk to people, or even when I'm trying to just keep myself calm is that as long as you're not moving backwards, even if you're staying still, you are progressing, and keeping an eye on who you used to be, and not attaching yourself to that old person and truly grieving them and letting them go. And letting God and the people around you support you in that new direction forward. And living a life in purpose with Jesus Christ, and your church family is a miracle beyond anything you can possibly imagine. And so it's progress. It's not perfection, perfection, like control, they're illusions, they're words that we should just understand the meaning of but when you try and chase them, it just it makes you crazy. And so when we, I joke about cleaning up the wreckage of my past, those of you who know me, I'm generally very organized person, I like things where they belong. But I can turn anything into an addiction. And if I am in Staples more than I'm in my office had to put the paper clips down and get back to work, you already have the color you don't even use the ones that you have just go back to work. And so I had my defense mechanism, my insurance policies around me. And so in the process of working on everything every day, it took me literally 10 years till I finally cleaned out my garage, and my closet. I literally was not ready to face the skeletons in my closet. So and some people cleaning my garage that's fun. Not in southwest Florida in July Don't ever do that you might pass out. There's a tiny window where you can do that. But for me it was having enough strength and spiritual fortitude to be able to look at the old version of myself without the shame and guilt and remorse and look at who that person was that led me to where I am now. Because it was a historical archeological dig and literal physical dirt and spiritual dirt of my past and cleaning it out. And what I want to encourage everyone with here especially is that not trying to do everything at once. It's okay to start small. It's okay to just move one tiny step forward each day. But together because that's what makes a difference in this world is not doing it alone and freeing yourself from the shackles and the shame and guilt and remorse. And that important when I talked about that amends is that forgive Goodness of other people, and of yourself, because God forgave you for everything that you did, who are we, to not forgive ourselves? First of all, we're not God, I'm not God, I resigned from that job I tried, it didn't work I sent in my resignation, God, it's all yours. And forgiving myself because God forgave me. And for all the people around me, I didn't get the lotto ticket of childhood, but the parents did the best they could with what they had dealt to them. And to be able to put myself inside of other people's shoes and look at life through what they went through. And say, If God can forgive me, then I need to forgive them of that. And so we've in Matthew 1821, through 22, it says, Then Peter came to him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me, and he says seven times. Now, not seven times, Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. I'm a math person and let them do for you. And so basically, always, and then Matthew 614, and 15, who is end of the Lord's Prayer, if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, Your Father will not forgive your sins. And we joke this is actually like the scripture of the church. Funny enough, the use of this will never go on a coffee mug until someone put it on a coffee mug and gave it to Jean. But it is a really important thing, because that forgiveness, that pit that it's really just an anchor that holds you to who you are. So you can't move forward. And being able to forgive yourself and others is what really allows you to move forward and focusing on your direction where you're supposed to go where God wants you to be, not where you want to be. And allowing that will have him inside of you in order to do that. And forgiveness of others are sometimes way easier than for yourself. But when you finally forgive someone like said that pit, there is amazing. And I can hear a name of somebody that used to just we've even our old business people who were competitors, to be able to go, whatever, like, you just feel so much lighter, being able to move through life without being weighed down by just anger and fear. Because God's got it. He knows where they're going, it's not our job, he's going to judge him at the end of the day, I just I got to focus on myself and where God wants me to be. And I already have enough of my own mess that I had to clean up. I don't need to add more to it nor clean someone else's up, although sometimes it's a little more fun. But letting go of that shame is just so freeing, and that's why that song redeemed when I look I mean, think it is waterproof makeup. Because it just it literally changes the way that you do life together. And when we talk about moving forward, usually we say how and so we have an acronym for that unfold bumper sticker sayings, half of what I say have just regurgitated from the rooms that I've given to you. And when we talk about how, how am I going to do this? How am I going to get and stay sober? How am I going to move away from my sin? First of all honesty, your openness and willingness, with those three things together, really laying that out. And then having the openness and willingness to let someone in, and then help others is what really helps you move through this new journey in Christ that it literally like. There are words that there are no words to describe, being gifted that miracle of surrendering to God and going and hearing me going, okay. I'll take it. I'm not done with you yet. Because we weren't he was not the lead pastor yet. It was a long journey moving forward for us later on. But
what I thought was going to be a stain ended up being the most miraculous thing that ever happened to me because I have met so many wonderful people, and have been able to do so many things, from something that I thought was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. And when we're all on our journey together, working on ourselves and our relationship with God, it's just such an amazing journey to be on. And as a church, having that accountability, our church family trusting and talking to one another. If you're passing through, enjoy Naples, Florida while you're here. But if you're here, you our family, we are feeding you like family. We have lunch every Sunday. But most importantly, this is what really changed it for me because I had my idea of what a Christian look like growing up and I was like, if that's the question, I'm good, I'm just, you can keep that over there. But this environment we truly love you. We do not care what you did before. We are here to help you become the new you that God has made you because we all have our paths. No one gets through life unscathed. Like it just it's the world but God gave us a church and one another. You have your relationships you have your spiritual relationship and then your relationship with the other people around you. And those two together will truly make the difference in in this world together and finding one another. And so one thing I always make sure that everyone here is that if no one told you today that Jesus loves you, He truly loves you. That got me when I first came to church the first time and I heard that and I was like, I'm, I'm not worthy of that kind of love. Like, my self worth was so low. I couldn't love myself, how in the world could God love me from this wretched person that I am inside? If you really knew who I was, he would not love me. And I was like, no, no, I love you, love you for who you are, I'm going to take every little piece of that broken person and make it new in me, and that love that I finally accepted. I've learned how to take care of myself, how to build boundaries, I'm rebuilding relationships with my dad after decades, he's starting a new and to see once you start living along this line, and the people that I'm working with, and just being there is truly amazing. But it starts with letting him in letting Jesus in letting him transform you. And then letting us in as your family who also love you unconditionally. You can literally there's nothing you can say that I haven't done heard or said in my life. Like we just trust us, we got you and or God has put someone else there that's been ahead of it for you. That's how he works. And so what I want to encourage everyone with first of all is just accept the love. I'm more saying that to myself than new else, but accept the love of others, the love of Christ, the love of who you are now and let Him lead you do not have to drown whatever your sin is. It's okay, we've all been there. We're going to help you move through it. become the new you. And let us get you out of that water. Stop drowning and let us help you live a new life beyond any measure you could possibly imagine. together. So I love you. We love you. I hope you enjoy the wonderful pizza you're about to try after service today. And I'm truly thankful to everyone in this room and in my life who has gotten me to 10 years, a whole decade of the new meet. So thank you and I love you